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What Straight Guys Do
Walking down the street, the guy next to me and I happen to awkwardly be keeping the same exact pace for almost a block.
Guy: “Hi there! We might as well interact if we’re going to stroll next to each other.”
Me: (laughing) “Guess so!”
Guy: “Wow– you have really pretty eyes.”
Me: (blushing) “Aw, thank you…”
Guy: “Don’t worry, I’m gay.”
Me: “Oh! I wasn’t worried…”
Guy: “Well, you know how straight guys are always pulling that shit…”
No. I don’t.
Straight guys don’t just randomly tell me I have pretty eyes. That would be lovely.
What straight guys do is compare me to their mother or ask me to sit on their face.
Ebola Mom, Part 27
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
Oh. Ok.
I Miss Kindergarten
That awkward moment when you have to use the phrase “private area” with 4th grade boys as you lecture them for punching each other in the penis.
Wacky Hair Day
So I added a bird to my usual bird’s nest.
#thingsidoatwork #mastersdegree
I Regret Teaching You About The Importance of Honesty
Me: “Hey kiddo! Excited to see me?!”
Kid (shrugging shoulders): “I’m not sure.”
Ok then try lying. Jerk.
Running Hacks
The key to feeling good about your running pace is to find someone much slower than you, and constantly stay a few steps ahead of them.
So thank you, pigeon with injured limb. I feel better now.
(P.S. Are you this pigeon? Did I do that to you? Wow, this has really come full circle.)
Why, yes. Yes I WOULD be interested.
I Just Crossed Paths With This Really Hot Guy
But I missed it because I was staring at this app telling me who I’m crossing paths with as I stare at this app.
Seems like just looking up might be easier.
How You Know Nothing is Good
Therapist: “What’s wrong?”
Me: “What do you mean? I just said ‘Everything is good!'”
Therapist: “Right. You just walked in here saying ‘Everything is good.’ Over and over. I never even asked ‘How’s everything?’ In fact I hadn’t said a word.”
Me: “Oh.” (Long pause) “Yeah everything is bad.”
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