All posts by Emily
This Guy Who I Tried To Give the Benefit of the Doubt
I really like egg salad.
Sassy Pedicurist: You Get Wax Today
Sassy: “You have date this week?”
Me: “Yes, on Tuesday.”
Sassy: “Then you get eyebrow wax today.”
Me: “No thank you.”
Sassy: <shrugs>
(long silent pause as she files my nails)
Sassy: “No wax is big mistake.”
This Guy Who Missed The Memo
The N-word in your very first text– keepin it classy, Brian!
(Context: There was a photo in his profile of him with Bob Dole, clearly taken years ago)
Yes. Brian is white. (And on behalf of white people everywhere, I would just like to thank him for the good PR.)
Nailed It, PTA
The PTA put together a book of prizes for our school’s upcoming auction fundraiser. The teachers all offered various “teacher play dates” as items up for bid. The book shows each teacher’s play date description, with either a photo of that teacher, or a cute little graphic. For example:
Or
Here’s ours:
Yeah. That about sums it up.
Defining Features
Discussing the teaching artist coming to our classroom today, whom we met a few months ago.
Me: “I don’t even remember what he looks like– do you?”
Coteacher: “Yes. Brooklyn.”
He has a beard.
Fine Line
As part of our poetry writing unit, we introduced the kids to limerick poems.
Kid: “I’m not sure I like limerick poems as much as I like other kinds of poetry.”
Me: “Ok, well I like your honesty. And I’m actually impressed that you have such a strong literary opinion.”
Kid: “Yeah, I mean limerick poems are fun to write, I guess, but I really prefer to have more of a challenge.”
Ok, nope. Now you’re annoying.
No One Asked You
Coteacher (to kids): “You should all tell your parents to bid on the teacher playdate prize at the auction fundraiser, because if you win, Miss Emily and I will take you out for pizza!”
Kid (dead serious): “I think Vietnamese food would be a better choice. For the more sophisticated palates.”
Pretty Sure She’ll Never Wear This Again
Yes, kid. If you’re going to wear a vintage Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle shirt to school then I am going to turn to you every few minutes and sing “heroes in a half shell– turtle power!”
I don’t know why you look so surprised.
This Is My New Favorite Thing On Earth
Type in your zip and enjoy the forecast (it gives you the ACTUAL forecast for your area, in language you can totally relate to. If you’re jewish. Or old. Or know anyone who is jewish or old.)
I highly recommend hitting the “random forecast” button afterwards, just to see what else she has to say.
You’re welcome.
(P.S. This was introduced to me by this guy, as he knew from meeting me once that I would love it. This is either amazing or terrible.)
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