Zack’s having a tough time getting to my apartment for sibling dinner.
Category Archives: Family
On This Mother’s Day, A Classic Quote From My Jewish Mother
Just now, on the phone:
Mom: “So, you had a third date with this guy? That sounds promising!”
Me: “Well, no, we have a third date coming up. But yeah, he’s a good guy.”
Mom: “Good! When’s the date?”
Me: “Thursday.”
Mom: “Ok.”
(long pause)
Mom: “So when is he going to ask you for a weekend date?”
New Parents Are So Sensitive
I don’t get it– my sister and brother in law are totally fine with me calling my chubby-cheeked baby nephew “little porker” or “my little pork pie,” but the second I suggest we stick an apple in his mouth and roast him over a fire, they get all weird.
An Early Mother’s Day Tribute to My Fabulous Mom
There are a few kids in my class having a really hard time understanding fractions as parts of a whole. I remember fractions being such a simple concept for me to understand as a kid, so I’ve been wracking my brain, trying to figure out how I learned them so easily.
Then I remembered. It was from my mother threatening my siblings and me:
“You better do as I say by the time I count to 3, or SO HELP ME GOD. One! (blank stares), Two!…(no movement)….Two and a HALF (nothing)…Two and THREE QUARTERS (shit, that’s close to three wholes…should we do something? WHAT COMES AFTER THREE?!)”.
We never found out.
But I’m good at math now.
So thanks, Mom.
Things You Don’t Want Your Brother To Say To You Right Before a Date
The Line Is a Dot to Me
It seems I took things a little too far in my post Lost and Found, and Jeremy wasn’t so thrilled with me:
So after that, and as his loving big sis, you can imagine how I’m now feeling.
His friends AND his ex read my blog, guys!!!
Lost and Found
That moment when you find a random earring in between the cushions of your couch that definitely doesn’t belong to you, so you can only assume it belongs to some chick your brother banged the last time he crashed at your place.
Ladies– anyone recognize or wanna claim it?
Jeremy Is Completely Full of Shit: Entering Evidence #1 (of roughly 58 billion)
“I already like this phone so much better.” — Jeremy, 30 seconds into using his new iPhone, after 5 years of claiming his Droid was “just as good.”
Yeah That Makes It Better
At sibling dinner, explaining a situation (from a while ago) when he ended things with a girl he was seeing.
Jeremy: “Well, we weren’t really in a RELATIONSHIP, so it’s not like I went over there to break up with her. I just went to say goodbye.” (long pause) “Forever.”
Things I Wish I Had Known Sooner
At sibling dinner, debating what is/is not “slutty” behavior as a single adult.
Me: “Well you know what they say, you have to sleep with a lot of frogs…”
Zack: “I’m pretty sure it’s ‘you have to kiss a lot of frogs.'”
Oh.
Well this changes everything.
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