That moment when you send a sick kid (one of many) to the nurse, and an hour later the nurse calls to say that that kid was rushed to the hospital, and that “there is something very wrong happening in your classroom.”
She then uses her extensive medical training/expertise to conjure up the solution of giving everyone in the room a dab of hand sanitizer.
We’re all going to die.
The bad news is that today the kids have gym first period, so they will smell like dead rats.
The good news is that it will mask the smell of what I’m pretty sure is an ACTUAL dead rat.
And the public school universe calibrates.
That’s what it will say as “cause of death” on my coroner’s report, which I imagine will be written and processed by day’s end.
You know that feeling when you really have to pee, and you go to the two staff bathrooms, but you can’t use them because both are occupied by children taking standardized tests?
Oh, no? You just pee when you want to pee? In a bathroom without children? That is used AS A BATHROOM.
Well. Lucky you.
#publicschool
(Continuation of Ebola Mom Part 31 and part of the Ebola Mom series)
Alright, well. I officially don’t understand what is happening.
Teachers, people with children, or anyone who knows or cares about teachers or children, this John Oliver rant on standardized testing is a MUST WATCH.
Every bit of it is hilarious because it’s so painfully and pathetically true.
Two of my personal fave highlights:
1. “Pearson are the educational equivalent to Time Warner Cable– either you’ve never had an interaction with them and don’t care, or….they HAVE RUINED YOUR FUCKING LIFE.”
Dear Parents,
If you volunteer to chaperone a school field trip, you must stay awake while on said trip.
Thanks.
Miss Emily
P.S. No, seriously. Wake up, ma’am.
(continuation of Ebola Mom Part 30 and part of the Ebola Mom series)
I responded. She had nothing to say back.
I think we’re in a fight now.
Being best friends is hard.
“Do you know how to get there? Because I do not.”
— our field trip bus driver, aka the man responsible for knowing how to get there.
There are a few kids in my class having a really hard time understanding fractions as parts of a whole. I remember fractions being such a simple concept for me to understand as a kid, so I’ve been wracking my brain, trying to figure out how I learned them so easily.
Then I remembered. It was from my mother threatening my siblings and me:
“You better do as I say by the time I count to 3, or SO HELP ME GOD. One! (blank stares), Two!…(no movement)….Two and a HALF (nothing)…Two and THREE QUARTERS (shit, that’s close to three wholes…should we do something? WHAT COMES AFTER THREE?!)”.
We never found out.
But I’m good at math now.
So thanks, Mom.
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