Just ran into a kid I used to tutor.
Kid: “Are you married?”
Me: “No.”
Kid (yelling across the store): “MOMMMMMMMM! STILL NO!”
Category Archives: Relationships
Things That Happen When Eric’s Out of Town
The TV has been on Spanish mode for the past 4 hours and I just noticed.
Usually it’s Eric’s job to tell me “Hey, do you realize you’re watching the TV on mute?” or “Hey, do you realize you didn’t turn on the AC, and that’s why it’s 105 degrees in here?” or “Hey, I see you’re about to throw out the trash, but do you realize you’re not wearing pants?”
I don’t know how I ever lived alone.
Me: “I’ll go get the laundry. Which dryer did you put it in?”
Eric: “The one with our clothes in it.”
Stay in the meeting, where it’s safe
Set my alarm for 7:30am this morning so I’d be up and awake for a bed delivery that Eric scheduled between 8am-12pm.
Let me put this in terms you can understand
Watching “The Bachelorette”…
Eric: “Wait, so…at the end of this, the bachelorette proposes to the guy?”
Me: “No. The guy proposes.”
Eric: “So she chooses the guy who then has to propose to her?”
Me: “Yeah.”
Eric: <confused>
Me: “Like what I’m doing.”
(pause)
Eric: “Ok yeah I get it now.”
To be fair, who DOESN’T need this?
Eric must now adhere to a strict “No buying things for our new apartment without consulting me first” policy. Here’s why:
This is Why it Works
I’m going out tonight with some girlfriends who are way cooler and more fun than I am.
Celebrating Independence with Dependence
Eric surprised me with a 4th of July themed breakfast in bed (dairy-free acai bowl with grain-free granola, chia seeds, almonds and strawberries. #paleolife), while I slept for 13 hours straight and woke up feeling too lazy and unmotivated to pour myself a coffee. Thank you for this freedom, forefathers!
Me: “But…where’s the blue?”
Eric: “Blueberries were six bucks. You don’t get any. Eat your breakfast.”
Happy 4th, everyone!
“No. It’s too hot.”
— Eric, when, during a particularly emotional moment in my friend’s wedding ceremony, I went to hold his hand.
When I walked in the door from my run…
Eric: “Look at you! You look so pretty and skinny and gorgeous!’
Me: “Aww, what an unexpectedly nice greeting!”
Eric: “My blood sugar’s low.”
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