Just had eggs for breakfast. Because today is a woman’s day.
Never a Speed Queen
Literally the slowest-moving person we know, god love her.
No. No you are not.
Kid: “Who are you voting for?”
Me: “I’m not sure I can say. But I can tell you that I am voting for the candidate who, in my opinion, is the most qualified person, is a decent human being, and will promote kindness and unity in this country rather than hatefully dividing us.”
Kid: “So…Hillary Clinton.”
<silence>
Kid: “I’m not an idiot.”
Doesn’t Matter
Kid: “My dad doesn’t even want to vote. He thinks his vote doesn’t matter.”
Me: “Really? I think every vote matters!”
Kid: “If he votes he’s going to vote for Jill Stein.”
Oh, so he’s CHOOSING to not matter.
Got it.
For the Right Reasons
I can’t wait to vote so that I can take and post a photo of myself showing everyone that I voted.
Doppelgänger
At the end of the tutoring session, the mom, who has been watching from her home office, approaches me…
Mom: “So it’s been KILLING me since I met you, but I finally figured out who you remind me of, and it’s SPOT ON.”
Me: “Oh! Celebrity doppelgänger! This is fun. Let me guess– Sarah Jessica Parker?”
Mom: “No…”
Me: “Chloe Sevigny?”
Mom: “No…”
Me: “Hmmm…Those are the two I get the most. I give up, who is it?”
Mom: “This girl Margaret I used to work with.”
Oh. Well that means absolutely nothing to me at all.
Oh Hello, Seasonal Affective Disorder
“No. No. It’s too early for this.”
— my doorman, to Eric, pointing at me wearing my Canada Goose knee-length puffy coat, Uggs, ear warmers, and gloves.
I’m fucking cold.
Nostalgia
Walking down a cold, windy, paper-cup lined 1st avenue right now, spotting some straggling marathon runners and feeling SUPER nostalgic.
For 10 minutes ago when I was warm on my couch.
Thank Christ my marathon days are over.
(Good job though, runners! 🏆)
Right Now, Please
The exasperating thing about tutoring young children for a living is that I now have an extensive collection of games and toys for teaching, and they all come with lots of parts and gadgets, so I constantly find myself having to say, “Ok, it’s time to refocus, please stop fiddling with the toys now. Right now, please.”
And then Eric puts down the toy and I can finally place it in my work bag.
She’s Still Talking
(Continuation of I’m sorry– who are you? )
Cleaning lady: “On your wedding day you are going to look like a princess. I can see it now. Just like a princess in the Disney movies, with the big hair and the big dress and the long, long veil. Everything big and sparkling like a princess.”
Literally the worst thing you could say to me.
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