I already blew it.
Tag Archives: bacon
Health Hazards
Just now, walking in my apartment, I stepped on something extremely sharp that almost pierced through the heel of my foot. I was sure it was a broken piece of glass and began to panic.
Upon closer inspection, however, I realized it was a super dry, likely weeks-old piece of bacon.
So yeah, it’s true what they say. Bacon is bad for you.
Eric: “You smell like bacon.”
Me: “Well I ate some for breakfast. But then I showered. And brushed my teeth!”
Eric: “I think it’s just your natural scent.”
That’s my favorite thing he’s ever said. ❤️
This is Exactly How I Want to Be Proposed To One Day
The heart wants what it wants.**
**side of waffle fries not pictured.
The Breakdown
90% of running a marathon is about complaining.
18% is about bacon.
13% is about bragging rights.
I guess 0% is about accurate math. Because who has time for math when ALL YOU DO IS RUN?!?!!??
See. There it is. 90%.
Corazón Means Heart Attack
This hotel has a make-your-own-bloody-mary bar. Yeah, you read that correctly. I know. What’s missing from this bar, however, is a hearty piece of bacon to top off and stir up my 3/4 vodka, 1/4 Worcestershire sauce bloody. Luckily, I was able to locate the perfect crispy slice over in the make-your-own-omlette section of the breakfast buffet, and I promptly stuck that sucker in there like it was a straw.
Waiter (eyeing my drink): “Señorita, is that BACON in there?”
Me: “Si señor! Es muy americano!”
Waiter: (laughs, then walks away and mumbles to another waiter something about a corazón.)
Me (to Gabi): “He totally just told that other waiter I’m going to have a heart attack.”
Gabi: “No he didn’t.”
Me (insistent and insulted): “Yes he did! Corazón means heart!”
Gabi: “He was saying ‘girl after my own heart.'”
Oh. Well. In that case, Gab, if you see a hairnet on our door tonight, don’t come a knockin. (Because it’ll be his hairnet. The one he’s wearing right now. On top of his dark, slicked-back Mexican mane. You get where I’m going with this.)
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