Now that we’ve confirmed that Chipotle is ACTUALLY tainted with E Coli from feces, the free burrito offering to teachers during Teacher Appreciation Week makes complete sense.
“Thanks, teachers! Here’s a free hot steaming pile of shit– in a wrap! You deserve it!”
(I’ll still eat mine)
It’s good to know that here in NYC, you can literally be infamous for serving feces and still receive an above-average rating.
As a teacher and giver of grades, I feel pretty confident saying that Chipotle does not deserve a B right now.
I’m just saying– when I ask my students to perform, and instead of performing, they go ahead and SHIT THEMSELVES, I do not give them a “B.”
I send them home.
And then I never look at them the same way again.
Less than two weeks ago, I received the following text from Zack:
So, being the good, caring sister that I am, I gave the appropriate dramatic, concerned response.
We then proceeded to have an in depth, highly detailed and descriptive discussion of his symptoms. Niagra Falls was used as a metaphor to describe the intensity. And, again, like a good, caring sister, I listened and offered sympathy.
Flash forward 13 days, he sent me this video of his dinner tonight:
No. I’m out.
I’m that person who won’t stop eating at Chiptole even when I know for a fact there is an E Coli outbreak.
Sometimes you have to sign up for another marathon for the sole reason that you miss eating Chipotle.
Well, you miss eating it on a daily basis.
Well, you miss eating it guilt-free on a daily basis.
Til death do us part, Chipotle.
(No, literally. This race might kill me.)
ANYONE WANNA JOIN?!
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