(Continuation of Babysitters of the Year )
Or maybe not.
I think it’s safe to say we’re fired. 
Tag Archives: family
Babysitters of the Year
Yesterday Eric and I babysat my nephew (aka “The Boog”) for the entire day while my sister and brother in law were on Long Island. We put him to bed at 7:00pm.
Um, YOU’RE WELCOME.
How To Feel Young
Get some slightly older siblings who don’t understand technology.
Andrew (only 5 months older than me, aka MY AGE, by the way) repeatedly insists, “I don’t do apps. Everything an app does I can do on the internet.”
No.
He also claims “I don’t know how to use a flash drive because they didn’t exist when I was in college,” but that’s just him lying, which is a topic for another post.
Unfortunately, this attitude has married my sister, who at least understands that she doesn’t understand anything, but isn’t exactly determined to learn.
The result is this.
I promise you they will not.
Totally Normal Mother’s Day Interaction
This is why I love her, though. #toocool
She Did It!
(Continuation of My Mother, Trying to Group Text )
Just in time for Mother’s Day…
Entirely unnecessary, but ok…
Well Played, Sir
He forgot Steph was on the text chain.
My Mother, Trying to Group Text
“Clue”– Jewish Mom Version
There was a shooting at Montgomery Mall, which is less than 5 minutes from my parents’ house. Nobody had heard from Mom.
What ensued was the world’s jewiest game of Clue.
Then, hours later, Mom, unable to figure out the tricky mechanics of group texting (she has an iPhone), sent this to just Jeremy:
Case closed.
Not only is Mom alive, she lives a way better life than the rest of us.
“Like…fucking…IMMEDIATELY.”
For the past year, Jeremy has been asking me to post the following voicemail from Zack, because it is absurd.
I personally agree that it’s hilarious, but I felt it was funny only if you actually know Zack, (and all his “Zack-isms”), and know Jeremy (and all his “What-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you-isms.”) Bottom line– I’m not sure it’s entertaining if you don’t know our family.
“Dude. You could say that about literally 100% of your posts about us,” Jeremy replied.
Ok yeah.
So here you go.
A few things to know before listening:
- Zack called Jeremy and left this voicemail after coming home to Potomac, getting into Jeremy’s (constantly filled with endless amounts of crap) car and finding several overdue parking tickets. This was at the time when Jeremy was living in the basement. So let’s just say the family was on high “will-this-kid-ever-get-his-shit-together?!” alert. Jeremy has since moved out of the basement, so the answer to that question is “sort of.”
- I am not endorsing or condoning the word “retard.” I wish Zack had chosen any other greeting. That being said, this is the only time I’ve heard the term used and thought “Yeah. That works.” But if you’re offended, try replacing it with “asshat,” or “douchecanoe.”
- Zack is the younger brother (and youngest in the family). Keep that in mind as you listen. It makes his “lecture” subtly more hilarious.
- Chelsey was Jeremy’s girlfriend at the time. She was phenomenal, and my whole family loved her (that has nothing to do with the voicemail, I just fucking miss her.)
- Hang in there ’til the end. The casual, happy-to-help closing is gold.
Enjoy.
Cool Story, Hansel
Later….
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