“I already like this phone so much better.” — Jeremy, 30 seconds into using his new iPhone, after 5 years of claiming his Droid was “just as good.”
Tag Archives: family dynamics
Yeah That Makes It Better
At sibling dinner, explaining a situation (from a while ago) when he ended things with a girl he was seeing.
Jeremy: “Well, we weren’t really in a RELATIONSHIP, so it’s not like I went over there to break up with her. I just went to say goodbye.” (long pause) “Forever.”
Things I Wish I Had Known Sooner
At sibling dinner, debating what is/is not “slutty” behavior as a single adult.
Me: “Well you know what they say, you have to sleep with a lot of frogs…”
Zack: “I’m pretty sure it’s ‘you have to kiss a lot of frogs.'”
Oh.
Well this changes everything.
Improvised Songs I Sing To My Nephew
Bouncing my nephew on my knee, to the tune of “La Cucaracha”
“You need a cousin!
You need a cousin!
Otherwise you’ll be so very spoiled.
But that won’t happen soon
No that won’t happen soon
Unless your Auntie Em makes a big oops!”
My sister and brother-in-law laughed.
My parents, sitting beside me, did not.
It’s so weird how appreciation for accidental pregnancy jokes skips a generation.
Emails From My Brothers, #14: Aaaaand Scene
Emails From My Brothers, #13: Classic Jeremy
(part of the Emails From My Brothers series)
Jeremy was supposed to arrive at my apartment tonight between 5-6pm. He is coming from DC.
The First Time I Saw A Grown Man’s Penis
Remember that first time you saw a grown man’s penis? Remember how the sight of it caught you COMPLETELY off guard? And remember how it wasn’t just one penis, it was about 25 penises at once? Mere inches from your face? Flopping around to a catchy, upbeat musical jam? And you were 10?
Oh, ok, so your mother DIDN’T take you to see the Broadway musical Hair when you were in 5th grade.
Well. Lucky you.
This Is How Family Gatherings Go Now
Brother-in-law (after every semi-ridiculous thing that happens, which is most things): “Em, how is this not on the blog yet?”
Mom (genuine fear in voice, while still trying to sound threatening): “No! Em, come on. NO!”
Me: “Ok, ok, I won’t. I promise.”
<Mom goes to kitchen to pour herself more wine. I do whatever I want.>
My Brothers Were Sort of Worth It
With the family (minus my brothers) at Passover, discussing my baby nephew one day having a sibling:
Steph: “Not any time soon.”
Andrew: “Or maybe never. One is enough.”
Dad: “Yeah. Try FOUR.”
Andrew: “No. You guys are insane.”
Dad: “I am not the one who wanted four. (Pointing to Mom) She bullied me into it.”
Me: “Aw, come on. Zack was totally worth it!”
Dad: “Yeah….now.”
(Note: Jeremy was at no point mentioned in this conversation)
My Mother Does Not Have a Favorite Child
Besides me.
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