“I just survived the first round of parent teacher conferences and the next round doesn’t start until 5:30pm. I deserve this.”
–Me, to myself, justifying this late afternoon snack*
* snack = coffee, wine, and Xanax
Tag Archives: parenting
Well I’m Not Sure Your Son Chose the Best Solution for That Problem
“He just had to go number 2.”
— parent, explaining why her 4th grade son had a complete violent meltdown that endangered the safety of all those around him.
That Special Time of Year
It’s right around this time of year that teachers actually start to feel comfortable and confident with their new class. They feel like they’re actually being effective and making a positive difference, and they begin to remember why they love their jobs.
Which is why today’s parent teacher conferences fall at the perfect time.
To provide a reality check.
This job sucks.
My Vow
When I have kids one day, I am never going to yell at them, punish them, set rules/curfews, or prevent them from doing the things they want to do because I’m going to be the cool parent who understands that children are people too, and they should be allowed to do as they please and make their own decisions.
Said my 12 year old self.
What a fucking idiot.
Sometimes I Have to Explain Things In a Way the Parent Will Understand
As I sit here writing an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) for a student in my class, I am reminded of a meeting years ago in which the parent of the child asked why her extremely emotionally disturbed son wasn’t at a higher reading level. I explained that young James was not excelling in reading (note: he was progressing, just not excelling) because he spent his days at school tantruming, curling up in a ball, instigating fights with other children, and hiding under the security desk in the school’s main lobby.
She then asked, “But you’re the special ed teacher, isn’t it your job to stop him and make him learn?”
I then showed her the learning goals I had outlined and was implementing for James, and explained that while it is my job to support his needs to my greatest ability, that is also my job for 28 other students in the class, and it is not always possible for me to “stop James and make him learn,” particularly when he is screaming curse words and throwing chairs at me.
She then asked “Then what is the point of having the special ed teacher there if she’s not helping the special ed kids?”
I then showed her the positive behavior reward system I had written and implemented for James, and explained that I am helping him, and he is progressing. I just can’t be all things at all times.
She then said “But if you were really helping, James would be at a higher reading level.”
I then showed her the pencil in my hand, and explained that I keep a pencil in my hand almost all day, as it is a superb tool for teaching children. To demonstrate this to her, I got a piece of paper, and showed her how with this pencil, I could write words, create visuals, edit mistakes, and expose children to all kinds of new educational concepts.
But no matter how hard I tried, when I pointed my pencil at students, I couldn’t seem to get it to shoot out fairy dust.
Because it’s a fucking pencil.
Not a magic wand.
And I’m not a wizard.
So SHUT YOUR FACE, lady.
No but seriously. We got this.
(Continuation of I Love Babysitting )
I Love Babysitting
My sister and brother in law have a bar mitzvah on Long Island, so tonight’s the night Eric and I lube up the baby and watch him crawl across the hardwood floors, an opportunity we missed during Lubegate and have regretted ever since.
If that goes well (how could it not?), we will break out hockey sticks and use the baby as a puck.
We will then stick him in a huge steam pot with pasta, dump red sauce on him, sprinkle him with parmesan, take a photo, and advertise him on craigslist as a gourmet spaghetti-and-meatball dinner for 10.
And to think I don’t even charge Steph and Andrew for my services.
Ebola Mom, Part 44
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
First time tutoring Ebola Mom’s kid since last school year…
Me: “Hey kiddo! How was your trip to Europe?”
Kid: “So good! We stayed in REALLY fancy hotels! I had to wear a fancy dress to dinner EVERY night!”
Me: “Oooh, how nice!”
Kid: “Yeah. And I got you a present!”
Me: “You did?! Aw, you shouldn’t have.”
Kid hands me this:
Me (trying to hide my what-the-fuckness): “Oh, M&Ms!”
Kid: “My mom said I could only spend $2.”
Me: “Ok, well. That makes sense. What with the cost of the fancy hotels and all…”
Kid: “Yeah. So I wanted to get something nicer but I could only get candy.”
Me: “Well, they’re M&Ms all the way from Europe, so they must be special!”
Kid: “Actually I got them at the airport.”
Me: “That’s still Europe!”
Kid: “JFK Airport.”
Me: “Oh.”
Emily's Posts 