All posts by Emily

When your significant other is disgusting 

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Apparently, being in a relationship means you have to listen to your disgusting beast of a significant other hock a loogie into the bathroom sink at 7am and scream “I got it! The last of the phlegm!” and then, moments  later still be expected to be attracted to that feral animal.

So I’m sorry, Eric.

I do feel better, though.


(Get excited for flu season)

Yeah. I don’t cook.

Relationships, , , ,

Eric is cooking me breakfast in my kitchen while I lay sick on the couch…

Eric (yelling from the kitchen): “Hey, do you have pepper?”
Me: “No…”
Eric: “Salt?”
Me: “Maybe some packets? In the fridge.”
Eric: “Right. Because that’s where salt is kept. Ok…a pan?”
Me: “Ummm…check the cabinet. I think there’s an orange one?”
Eric: “Nope. There is not. Garlic?”
Me: (hysterical laughter)
Eric: “Yeah that was an insane request. A sponge?”
Me:  “Why?”
Eric: “To clean the pan.”
Me: “Just let it soak.”
Eric: “But I have to use it again. Right now.”
Me: “Oh. Sorry. No.”

I will never again be cooked for.