In a unit about text interpretation (our favorite unit, because it’s never not a shit show), we analyzed the song “Let it Be…”
Us: “Let’s look at this line– ‘And in my hour of darkness, she is standing right in front of me.’ What might that mean?”
Kid (raising hand excitedly): “The power is out!”
I’ve been accused of being moody, but I really don’t think it’s too much to ask that everyone stay out of my damn way when I’m PMSing, when it’s Sunday night, when it’s all day Monday, or when it’s winter. The second half of autumn and any high-allergy spring is a risky time as well. Best to stay out of my damn way then, too.
I am absolutely delightful on June 29th.
The kids are writing historical fiction stories as part of our Colonial America unit.
Kid: “I named my character John McFly!”
Me: “Hmmm. Do you think John McFly is a good name for a character who lived in Colonial America? Does that make sense for that time period?”
Kid: “Well…not COLONIAL America, but in 1984.”
(Long silence)
Kid: “So…right after.”
Hey teachers! Guess what? I just discovered that cheese makes the perfect after-school snack on a particularly rough day, just as long as you make sure it’s brie and that there’s an entire wheel of it and that you’re alone and that you eat it with your fist and that you salt it with your own tears.
Viewing a coyote exhibit at the Natural History Museum…
Kid: “My cousin’s name is Coyote!”
Me: “Really? Just like the animal?”
Kid (laughing): “No! That’d be so silly!”
Me: “Hah yeah that would be pretty silly.”
Kid: “It’s coyote with a ‘K’.”
According to Facebook, exactly 8 years ago to this day, I said the following:
I said the same fucking thing this morning.
#notgood
I know some teachers who are so traumatized by their germ-infested classrooms during cold/flu season that they wash every single item of clothing they wear, every single time they wear it. Which is completely ridiculous.
I burn mine.
So it turns out that the detective skills I employ when I come across a suspicious rug stain in my 4th grade classroom (re: blame the shady, smelly kid– I didn’t see him do it, I didn’t hear him do it, there is virtually zero proof he did it, but come on just LOOK at him! He’s so smelly!) are the same exact tactics employed by our U.S. criminal justice system when indicting for murder.
And I didn’t even have to pay for law school!
#winning
Kid (approaching me with her hand out): “Miss Emily…I found this in a book.”
It was a booger.
Me (correcting a kid’s work): “20 divided by 2 is 40? So you’re telling me that if I split these 20 cubes into 2 equal groups, I’d have 40 in each group? Does that make sense? Is it logical?”
Kid: “No.”
Me: “Exactly. So it can’t be true. Remember, you ALWAYS have to ask yourself does this make sense? Is it logical?”
(moments later)
Kid: “Santa is real, right?”
Me: “Of course…”
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