Me: “I’ll go with ‘Size Matters.’ Because it does.”
Nail lady: <blank stare>
Tag Archives: beauty
That Kind of Job
I was just saying how grateful I am not to have the kind of job where I actually have to brush my hair in the morning, and then someone pointed out that I do. I do have that kind of job.
Oh.
Well this is brand new information.
A Lesson In Self Acceptance
When I was 15 years old, I got a nose job.
Why, you ask, would I purposely subject myself to surgery and extreme pain simply to look better?
Because my insecure, self-conscious teenage self hated my oversized nose, and I truly believed that most people in this world judge by appearances. Now that I’m older, wiser, and have had a myriad of experiences with all kinds of people, I obviously see the major flaw in that kind of naive thinking.
Most people do NOT judge by appearances.
ALL people do.
Thank god I got that shit fixed.
Do As I Say, Not As I Do
One of our school mottos is “Be yourself– everyone else is already taken.”
So on the first day with the kids tomorrow, my also jewish, white, 30-something co-teacher and I are going to wear matching dresses, necklaces, and hairstyles.
Because leading by example is overrated and hard.
But wearing matching outfits is adorable and fun!
Poor Guy
That moment hours before your whole family is going to meet the guy you’ve been dating, when you accidentally burn your neck with a curling iron and it 100% looks like a hickey.
Sorry, man.
I Hate When That Happens
“I was washing my eyebrows. They got bushy.”
–kid, when he came back from the bathroom DRENCHED in water and we asked him what happened.
This Is My Purpose On Earth
My friends know exactly who to contact when they do something stupid and want to feel better about themselves.
Then, several texts later…
Sassy Pedicurist: This is Good Decision
(Part of the Sassy Pedicurist series)
Just popped into the nail place…
Me: “Hi there! Do you have time to give me a quick eyebrow wax?”
Sassy: “Not now. You come back in one hour.”
Me: “Eek, I can’t. I’m going out tonight, and have to leave kind of soon.”
Sassy: “You have date tonight?”
Me: “Yes…”
Sassy (staring at my eyebrows): “Wax is good decision. I do you now. Come.”
Me: “Thank you!”
Sassy: “Yes. Good eyebrow important for date.”
(long pause)
Sassy: “We do bikini too.”
I hope this isn’t a sign of how tonight’s date is going to go…
Sassy Pedicurist: You Get Wax Today
Sassy: “You have date this week?”
Me: “Yes, on Tuesday.”
Sassy: “Then you get eyebrow wax today.”
Me: “No thank you.”
Sassy: <shrugs>
(long silent pause as she files my nails)
Sassy: “No wax is big mistake.”
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