…but I just found this to be fucking hilarious. I kind of feel like I need to know this person.
Tag Archives: dating
Mother Knows Best
Mom: “I figure you like this guy, since you haven’t written too much about him.”
Me: “Yeah, well. I’m trying not to be a weirdo.”
Mom: “Good idea.”
Well This is Awkward
Guess they forgot the “L”…
For the record, it wasn’t misspelled on the email I received, but I take comfort in knowing that SOMEONE out there received an email with the heading below (minus the L in flag). Because it’s sort of a perfectly amazing fuck up. (No, I don’t condone use of that word. EVER. But I do condone honest mistakes that create super awkward scenarios where everyone feels weird).
He Really Knows Me
That moment when the guy you’re dating gives you the most thoughtful and personalized of gifts– a super powerful, multi speed, remote controlled oscillating fan.
Because you’re so fucking sweaty.
Poor Guy
That moment hours before your whole family is going to meet the guy you’ve been dating, when you accidentally burn your neck with a curling iron and it 100% looks like a hickey.
Sorry, man.
Clear Eyes, Full Heart….Impressive Dedication to a Lie
Last night, over a glass of wine…
“So I have to confess something. I had never seen Friday Night Lights until I met you.”
— guy I’ve been dating for 2 months, who, ever since we met, has pretended to be a long-time fan of the show because he has the same first and last name as my favorite character and I was SO excited about it (admittedly WAYYYY TOO excited. He really had no choice but to lie).
Our first text convo:
He has spent the past 2 months secretly watching the entire series for the first time. Just finished it last night.
Now THAT’s clear eyes and a full heart.
Or just absurd.
Either way….can’t lose.
Mixed Messages
That moment when you’re away for the weekend and a guy you’ve been dating randomly texts you a photo of him and some chick canoodling on a balcony watching a sunset, so you spend the next 20 minutes analyzing why the fuck he would send this to you, and how you’re supposed to respond, and what the hell is wrong with him– with ALL men, really.
Then you realize the chick in the photo is you.
So sweet, guys!
Sassy Pedicurist: This is Good Decision
(Part of the Sassy Pedicurist series)
Just popped into the nail place…
Me: “Hi there! Do you have time to give me a quick eyebrow wax?”
Sassy: “Not now. You come back in one hour.”
Me: “Eek, I can’t. I’m going out tonight, and have to leave kind of soon.”
Sassy: “You have date tonight?”
Me: “Yes…”
Sassy (staring at my eyebrows): “Wax is good decision. I do you now. Come.”
Me: “Thank you!”
Sassy: “Yes. Good eyebrow important for date.”
(long pause)
Sassy: “We do bikini too.”
He Has Nothing To Worry About
A lot of you have been asking me if this guy is now paranoid that I am going to blog everything he says/does.
Nah. I don’t think so. Why?
Things You Realize Too Late
Guy: “Wait, your dad used to be Howard Stern’s lawyer?”
Me: “Yes.”
Guy: “So did you listen to Howard on the radio growing up?”
Me: “Actually, no. I never listened to his show. But my dad gave me his autographed copy of ‘Private Parts’ to read when I was 11. Then we went to go see the movie. Together. As a family.”
And now, 21 years later, I realize how fucking weird that was.
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