Eric: “I feel like I’ve really cramped up your apartment. Is it making you anxious?”
Me: “What?! No, babe…”
Tag Archives: healthy relationships
And So it Begins
“Hey! <poking me repeatedly in the shoulder> Heyyyyyyy. HEY! I’m bored.”
— Eric, 4 minutes after officially moving into my (our?) studio apartment.
This is gonna be great.
Move-In Day!
Eric: “You realize I’m pretty much fully moving in tomorrow, right?”
99% of me: “I know, I’m so excited!”
1% of me:
In Honor of National Women’s Day, A Woman Winning
Eric got us both FitBits and immediately challenged me to a “who takes more steps in a week” contest. Which, to be honest, is just insane, as 1) I run marathons and 2) I’m on my feet with children all day.
But he INSISTED he’d still out-step me, which made no logical sense, unless the theory “Boys are good at all the things!!!” makes sense to you. (No, he didn’t say that. But it was there on his smug face). So I have spent the entire week ensuring that I will beat him– running unnecessary runs, finishing every errand that’s been on my my to-do list for months, mindlessly walking in circles in my kitchen, pacing for 25 minutes in my therapist’s waiting room (which didn’t at all make the other patients anxious, I’m sure of it. They would have been clutching that Xanax regardless.)
But it’s all been worth it because I have been kicking his ass, and have so thoroughly enjoyed rubbing it in his face all week.
Ok, well. This isn’t fun anymore.
I quit.
I’m Learning to Cook
Eric is being extremely encouraging because he is a much nicer person than I deserve.
How to Lose a Guy in (Roughly) 10 Texts, Part 2
How to Lose a Guy in (Roughly) 10 Texts
“Never get married. Your taxes will go through the roof.” –Eric’s accountant, to Eric.
So then I shot Eric’s accountant.
Before Coffee
Eric accuses me of being less than pleasant in the morning before coffee. This is valid. However, this morning is a perfect example of what I deal with every day.
Eric (after using my blow dryer to warm himself post-shower, setting it down on the top of the toilet, and it crashing to the floor, knocking down my makeup bag): “Hey, you know what?”
Me (frantically getting dressed and trying not to be late, after having squeezed in a 5-mile pre-work training run): “What?”
Eric: “Besides monkeys, humans are the only animals that have butts.”
Me: (no response. For obvious reasons.)
Eric: “Like…think about it.”
Me: (looking at clock, realizing I’m down to the wire)
Eric: “Four legged animals just have their legs, and then a buttHOLE. But no BUTT.”
Me: “Uh huh…”
Eric: “And like–”
Me: “K bye! Love you!” (Leave)
So in context, I think we can all agree I’m doing what I need to do to survive.
Blog Boyfriend
This is Eric’s life:
Except instead of “Instagram Husband,” it’s “Blog Boyfriend.”
And instead of flattering photos that make us look like we’re living the best, most picturesque life ever, it’s just a bunch of posts that embarrass him, make us both look stupid, and cause him to worry what his mother will think.
This post is a good example.
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