Tag Archives: marathon training
This is Why I Prefer Not to Have a Doorman
As I leave for my daily run, trying to get out the door and get started…
Doorman: “Wow, you sure do run a lot. Even in this heat?”
Me: “Yup! But this is nothing compared to how much I used to run! I used to run marathons and half marathons on the regular.”
Doorman: “Wow. But I find that people who run THAT much are running away from something.”
Oh. (awkward stare-down)
Me: “Ok, bye!”
Yeah Something Like That
Kid: “I can’t believe you ran such a long race in that cold weather yesterday!”
Me: “Hah, I know! It was VERY cold and windy!”
Kid: “You must have been FREEZING!”
Me: “I sure was!”
Kid: “Yeah, but I bet you didn’t even care because you were so happy that you worked hard and reached your goal!”
Me: “Exactly!”
Eh. I was pretty fucking miserable.
Well That Was Quick
Me: “I’m sorry I wasn’t more helpful with unpacking your boxes and suitcases today, but I have to run a half marathon tomorrow.”
Eric: “Yeah, and I have to stand in the cold to cheer you on tomorrow!”
And now he doesn’t live here anymore.
Kid: “Did you run the marathon just so you could eat all the turkey at Thanksgiving?”
Me: “That’s ridiculous.”
WHO TOLD HIM?!?!?!
Yes
Here are some conversations my marathon medal elicited from the children at school today:
Kid: “What’s that for?”
Me: “I ran a marathon!”
Kid: “Did you win?”
Me: “Yes.”
Kid: “Really?!”
Me: “Yes.”
——-
Kid: “Did you win the Nobel Prize!?”
Me: “Yes.”
——-
Kid: “Is that a necklace?”
Me: “Yes.”
——–
Kid: “Did you know you have a bell stuck to your neck?”
Me: “Yes.”
———
Kid: “Did you know your necklace has a crack on the bell part?”
Me: “Yes.”
———
Every single other kid in the school besides the 5 above: < Stare at medal. Stare at my face. Say nothing. Go about their day. >
———
Coworker: “Did any kids even congratulate you today?”
Me: “No.”
———
Conclusion: In general, kids, unlike adults, don’t give a fuck don’t know how to PRETEND to give a fuck that you ran a marathon.
Philosophical Question
If you run a full marathon (and I did– I have finish-line witnesses), but your time chip stops working after the 13.1 mile mark, did you really run a full marathon?
The answer is yes. You ran a full marathon in 2:09.
#besttimeever
I Should Have Gone Out Tonight Rather Than Sit Here With My Thoughts
If I was cheering for me in the marathon, I would hold up a huge sign that said “EMILY’S POST(er)!!!!!”
Because that would be hilarious.
God I wish I were my friend.
Harder
When I pulled up a map and showed Eric the various locations he can cheer for me during the Philly marathon on Sunday, he jokingly sighed and said, “You know, this day is turning out to be much harder for me than it will be for you.”
Then he got up off the couch and went out to pick up some ice.
To put on his face.
Because I kicked him in it.
Family Rankings
Doing a marathon fundraiser is a really fun and easy way to figure out who your favorite family members are.
Congratulations, Zack! Your $50 donation to my fundraiser has put you in first place!
The rest of you are tied for second place, as you all donated the same amount.
You know.
Zero dollars.
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