As I’m rifling through my work bag looking for a pencil during my tutoring session, the kid spots my pile of student-made birthday cards.
Kid: “Wait a minute– is it your birthday?!”
Me: “Yes it is!”
Kid (adorably overexcited): “Oh my gosh!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”
Me: “Thank you!”
Kid: “I can’t believe it’s your birthday and you’re HERE. In MY apartment! Tutoring ME!”
Yeah I guess that is pretty sad.
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
I was going to bring a handwritten thank you note next week, but now you can go fuck yourself.
Also, I gave the cookies to a homeless man.
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
As I enter my tutoring session, I recieve this text…
Ok, yeah. I tried REAL HARD not to let my explanation of math get in the way of their epically loud hammering and drilling.
What. Goes. ON?!?!
My teacher friend texted saying she had a classic tutoring story for me. Please read below, and think about this tomorrow when you are sitting at your adult job at your adult desk in your adult office because THIS IS OUR LIFE.
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
First time tutoring Ebola Mom’s kid since last school year…
Me: “Hey kiddo! How was your trip to Europe?”
Kid: “So good! We stayed in REALLY fancy hotels! I had to wear a fancy dress to dinner EVERY night!”
Me: “Oooh, how nice!”
Kid: “Yeah. And I got you a present!”
Me: “You did?! Aw, you shouldn’t have.”
Kid hands me this:
Me (trying to hide my what-the-fuckness): “Oh, M&Ms!”
Kid: “My mom said I could only spend $2.”
Me: “Ok, well. That makes sense. What with the cost of the fancy hotels and all…”
Kid: “Yeah. So I wanted to get something nicer but I could only get candy.”
Me: “Well, they’re M&Ms all the way from Europe, so they must be special!”
Kid: “Actually I got them at the airport.”
Me: “That’s still Europe!”
Kid: “JFK Airport.”
Me: “Oh.”
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