That moment when the person leading your whole-school professional development session tries to go to readathon.com on the hugely projected screen, but instead goes to thon.com.
Not one person was mature about it.
All posts by Emily
Oh, ok then. Excused.
“My mom was doing my hair.” — Kid, on why she is 2 hours late for school.
For the record, her hair is in a bun.
Emails From My Brothers, #12: Classic Steph
(Part of the Emails From My Brothers series)
Sent while Jeremy was staying with Steph the day before Thanksgiving, and 2 days before Steph’s due date.
Get On It, Facebook
If there was an “I don’t care” button right next to the “Like” button, it would prevent 98% of the useless crap on Facebook from ever being posted, as most people wouldn’t risk having the “I don’t cares” outnumber the “likes” on their cat photo. People would actually think twice about what they’re putting out there for the world to read, and it would undoubtedly cut down on all the mindless bullshit being posted.
But like, THIS post you would “Like.” Right, guys?
Never mind. I take everything back.
I Shouldn’t Allow Myself To Be In a Flirting Situation When I’m Hungry
He has not responded.
Absolutely!
Why yes, enthusiastic man on street– today IS the day I’d like to sponsor a child in Guatemala! In fact, let’s save ALL THE CHILDREN!!!!***
#daylightsavings #seasonalaffectivedisorder #itsabovefreezing #sunisshining
***Did not actually sponsor child. Can barely afford own life.
I Once Dated a Guy Who Called His Mom “Mommy”
End of story. Well, not END of story, but not the beginning of a story that is going anywhere good.
Sorry, guys. I’ve been sick and fairly isolated for over a week now and this is the shit that goes through my head when I try to force myself to rest.
Which is why I try not to rest too much.
Which might be why I’m always sick.
Whatever, at least I’m not whining about it to my MOMMY.
Anyway, the point of all this is…
Do you think that guy’s still single?
Any guy who loves his mom that much would definitely make me some chicken noodle soup.
Ok, sorry, that was absurd.
Matzoh ball soup.
Now You’re Just Fucking With Me, Starbucks
I have had no voice for the past few days, and trying to order my coffee in a loud, crowded Starbucks has been a challenge (I’m pretty sure if you google “First World Problems,” this is the exact definition). Yesterday they got my order completely wrong, so today I thought I’d be proactive. When the cashier asked for my order, I handed her my phone, which said this:
She smiled and wrote it down.
Then, this:
Do You Smell That, Guys? It’s Hope!
Daylight Savings Time is the Universe’s way of teaching us that if we scream and bitch and moan and cry about the winter cold and darkness every single day for 4 months straight, we will eventually get our way.
Or, I don’t know. A broader lesson.
This Is Only a Test
No, literally.
