Kid: “Miss Emily, is tooth fairy money pre-taxed?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Kid: “The money I get from the tooth fairy– do I have to pay taxes on it?”
Me: “I’m shocked you even know what taxes are.”
Kid (clearly insulted): “Umm…yeah. I’m not stupid!!”
Oh. Sorry. I guess your BELIEF IN THE TOOTH FAIRY threw me off.
“Um excuse me…are we taking a test today?”
— Kid, waking up from a 45 minute nap during said test.
According to Facebook, exactly 8 years ago to this day, I said the following:
I said the same fucking thing this morning.
#notgood
I know some teachers who are so traumatized by their germ-infested classrooms during cold/flu season that they wash every single item of clothing they wear, every single time they wear it. Which is completely ridiculous.
I burn mine.
Student (looking around): “I have a problem. I don’t know where to find books.”
We are sitting in a library.
So it turns out that the detective skills I employ when I come across a suspicious rug stain in my 4th grade classroom (re: blame the shady, smelly kid– I didn’t see him do it, I didn’t hear him do it, there is virtually zero proof he did it, but come on just LOOK at him! He’s so smelly!) are the same exact tactics employed by our U.S. criminal justice system when indicting for murder.
And I didn’t even have to pay for law school!
#winning
Kid (approaching me with her hand out): “Miss Emily…I found this in a book.”
It was a booger.
Me (correcting a kid’s work): “20 divided by 2 is 40? So you’re telling me that if I split these 20 cubes into 2 equal groups, I’d have 40 in each group? Does that make sense? Is it logical?”
Kid: “No.”
Me: “Exactly. So it can’t be true. Remember, you ALWAYS have to ask yourself does this make sense? Is it logical?”
(moments later)
Kid: “Santa is real, right?”
Me: “Of course…”
Parent chaperone (to me, once we returned back to school after our field trip): “I always feel like teachers need a good, stiff drink after a field trip day.”
Me (laughing): “Aw, nah, we love field trips! It’s great to see the kids so excited!”
I am 3 drinks deep.
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