This awesome coffee from this awesome coffee shop, one point LA.
The fear of getting a jay-walking ticket as I strolled to said coffee shop, plus the ungodly amount of time I waited for said coffee: one point NY.
Draw.
Current score: LA 2; NYC 3 (yes, NYC received 2 whole points for the pressed juice incident. I don’t like being duped into healthy choices, LA.)
I’m in LA right now. And in typical me fashion, when I booked this trip last month, I put absolutely no thought into it. I just knew my seasonal affective disorder needed sun, so I just kind of bought a plane ticket after a few too many glasses of wine, and hoped some friends would house me once I got there.
I arrived yesterday to my dear friend’s Santa Monica beach house. She and her husband are going out of town on Wednesday, so I was only going to stay a few days, then hop over to two other friends’ places who graciously agreed to host me, even though it’s not terribly convenient for them right now. But now my friend and her husband are insisting I stay here while they’re out of town, and to invite any friends I want. So instead of dragging a suitcase to 3 different parts of LA, I’m going to stay in this gorgeous, beachside oasis and have my other friends come to me.
So the lesson here is that if you’re a total spontaneous, haphazard spaz who puts little to no thought into what you’re doing, you will constantly find yourself in the most ideal of situations.
Or something about maintaining lifelong relationships with totally amazing, generous, awesome people.
I don’t know I’m drunk.
Yesterday my L.A. friends took me to a “pressed juicery,” where I refused to purchase anything kale. Or anything juice, really. I don’t do juice. They INSISTED I get SOMETHING, and I didn’t want to be rude and close-minded. I craftily noticed, by the grace of god, that they had coffee on the menu, so I conceded to getting that (even though everyone knows, thanks to a meth-like addiction, I only drink Starbucks).
Just now…
Me: “I’ll have the coffee we got yesterday after I go for my morning run.”
Friend: “You mean the juice?”
Me: “No. I got a coffee.”
Friend: “Well, it’s a coffee-juice.”
WHAT.
Point New York.
LA 1, NYC 2
My screaming “But HOW?!?? Just please, sir, tell me HOW!!!” to the perfectly friendly cab driver who dropped me off at the West Palm Airport and told me to “stay warm in New York!”
It’s important to leave Florida and go back to NYC in the dead of winter because waking up every morning and thinking “Life is good!” is really no way to live. And honestly, my brain just gets tired from being so positive. It was truly exhausting being that happy for 5 days. I don’t know how people down here do it all the time.
Also, my Seasonal Affective Disorder makes me an interesting, dynamic person of substance. Winter misery and despair is part of who I am and I am proud.
*typed from the West Palm Beach Airport while clutching a duty-free wine and sobbing into a bag of Combos.
It’s 53 degrees. The hedge-trimmer just offered me his fleece.
(Part of the Always Be Honest With Your Dating App series)
I was only supposed to be in Florida through this morning, but because of a flight cancellation, my trip is now extended through tomorrow. My gracious hosts weren’t planning on having me here for today, and they had to go into work. They were VERY concerned about what I was going to do for lunch, which was sweet, but come on guys, I’m 32 years old, I’m pretty sure I know how to fix myself a meal.
To be clear, the apple is decorative.
On my daily morning run here in sunny Boca Raton, Florida, I couldn’t hep but compare the contrasting aspects of my exercise routine down here vs. in NYC. Let’s look at these three categories:
1. Wildlife (aka Running Buddies) 
2. Road blocks: Sometimes on a run, things block your path…..
3. Scenery as you leave your home and begin your run
Here are some things I think to myself every single time I walk by this door, which is often, as it is adjacent to my room:
“Go fuck yourself.”
“One of you secretly hates/will end up murdering the other.”
“This is an amazing hotel for a singles vacation but totally stupid for a honeymoon, you stupid stupidheads.”
“You should both try the tap water. It’s delicious.”
“I bet your sex got boring the second you said ‘I do.’ I haven’t heard ONE scream come out of that room.”
“STOP BRAGGING, ASSHOLES!”
“Honeymoons are for losers.”
“Awww, I’m happy for them!”**
**this quote actually came from topless-at-the-pool-lady, as she walked by said door. SHE will probably get married some day.
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