Does anyone else feel nothing but a huge, GAPING, Joan-Rivers-shaped hole while watching this Oscar red carpet coverage?
The funny girls miss ya, Joan. I hope someone’s around to rip these celebrities a new asshole tomorrow in your honor. (And GOD do I hope they start with Melanie Griffith….)
Going through old sibling emails, I managed to find a hilarious one written by my sister in 2006. You have no idea how much of a diamond in the rough this is (unless you know Steph. Then you know). My sister has been funny only a handful of times in her life– and here is one of the funniest, captured in writing.
But when I showed Steph the email (with some great side commentary added in by yours truly), she wouldn’t let me post it. Even though almost 10 years have passed since it was written.
Below is what was left once I got rid of everything she didn’t approve of. Why even bother posting this? Because the end result just so beautifully illustrative of Steph.
Watching a Sex And The City marathon and seeing Big treat Carrie like complete dog shit episode after episode, but knowing they end up living happily ever after, is giving me a really healthy and hopeful outlook on my love life.
I am now certain that that ex who could never quite verbalize his feelings for me will totally come around. Even though he told me, early and often, he was not in a “relationship place.” And he now lives across the country. And is married. With kids.
I can totally stop dating now, guys! It’s all happening!
Got some fan mail the other day! Check it out!
My favorite part is that his “Wait– you’re NOT ugly?!” epiphany is based on a headless photo.
There’s nothing like a bridal shower in the dead of winter to remind you that you’re all alone in this world.
Plus, free wine!
(Part of the Emails From My Brothers series)
I emailed the sibling chain to let them know about a classic conversation that took place when I was home in Maryland last week with my parents. Unfortunately, I can’t post it, as my mother asked me not to, and I am trying not to completely ruin her life with this blog. Jeremy’s response:
Am I not explaining myself well?
I just answered the door for the guy delivering my lunch, with my nephew in my arms.
Delivery Guy: “Oh my god, that’s the cutest baby I’ve ever seen! Wow! Is he yours?”
Me: “Yes. Yes he is.”
I don’t know. It just happened.
My sister and new-mom friends are always saying that caring for an infant is difficult and exhausting, and honestly, I’m finding that really hard to believe. Steph left me in charge of my baby nephew for the day. I’ve been here for over two hours with him, and it’s been an absolute DREAM. He’s just hanging out here, right next to me, acting like a perfect angel as I’ve gone about my business, doing whatever it is I’d normally do– eating, texting, watching tv, blogging, reading my kindle. So stop your bitching, moms everywhere. This is not hard.
Oh shit. He just woke up. WHAT DO I DO?!?
My nephew is staring, bewildered, wondering who this nice Mexican lady is who has come to babysit him today.
It’s me.
#tootan
