Category Archives: Dating/Single Life

I Once Dated a Guy Who Called His Mom “Mommy”

End of story. Well, not END of story, but not the beginning of a story that is going anywhere good.

Sorry, guys. I’ve been sick and fairly isolated for over a week now and this is the shit that goes through my head when I try to force myself to rest.

Which is why I try not to rest too much.

Which might be why I’m always sick.

Whatever, at least I’m not whining about it to my MOMMY.

Anyway, the point of all this is…

Do you think that guy’s still single?

Any guy who loves his mom that much would definitely make me some chicken noodle soup.

Ok, sorry, that was absurd.

Matzoh ball soup.

Empowerment

The last time I had the flu, I was in a relationship, so I stayed at my boyfriend’s apartment the entire time. He took care of me, fixed my meals, brought me meds, etc, and I remember thinking that I would be totally screwed if he wasn’t there to help me, as the flu is so exhausting it can make you downright delusional.

But you know what? Now that I have the flu and I’m all alone, it’s kind of empowering.

There’s a certain dignity in lapping up your lukewarm soup like a cat because you’re too weak to manipulate a spoon.

Or getting lost on your way to the bathroom in your studio apartment.

Or answering your remote control because you think it’s your phone, and then moaning into it when you’re certain your mom has picked up on the other line.

Or eating this yogurt:

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I got this, guys.

#thatfuckingdress

Anyone who sees blue/black is no longer my friend. 
 
I can’t have that kind of anxiety in my life.

In fact, I’m thinking of adding this to the “what I’m looking for” section of my dating profile, which currently has NOTHING in it. So basically I’m fine with your commitment issues, heroine addiction, seixism, and tendency to store bodies in your basement, but if you see blue/black I just can’t.

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#thedress #whatishappeningtotheworld