Completing sentences with words from a word bank. One of the words is “friend.”
Me: “It’s always nice to make a new….”
Kid: <blank stare>
Me: “Starts with an ‘f’…”
Kid: “FUCK.”
He’s not wrong.
Category Archives: Kids/Teaching
Like My Toilet
Kid: “You smell like my toilet.”
Me: “Excuse me? That’s not a very nice thing to say.”
Kid: “But it’s true though!”
Me: “Do your math.”
One hour later, after I use his bathroom and notice he has the same hand lotion on his toilet that I use.
Me: “Wait! So did you mean I smell like that lotion you keep on your toilet?”
Kid: “Yeah. That’s what I said– you smell like my toilet.”
Me: “There’s a better way to say that.”
Kid: “Oh, sorry.”
(pause)
Kid: “You smell the SAME as my toilet.”
It’s Nice to Share
When Nora is playing and another kid wants her toy:
Me (in sing-song voice): “It’s ok, Nora. You can share. It’s nice to share! Sharing is caring, remember? Let’s sing a song about sharing! 
”
Eric takes a crouton from my salad…
Me: 
Infinity
Kid: “What’s the highest number?”
Me: “There is no highest number. Numbers keep going and going and going…they are infinite.”
Kid: “What’s infinite?”
Me: “Having no end. Numbers go to infinity…”
Kid: “Then that’s the end. Infinity.”
Me: “Well, no– the very definition of infinity is ‘no end.'”
Kid: “So infinity is NOT the highest number?”
Me: “Infinity isn’t actually even a number, it’s a concept.”
Kid: “What’s a concept?”
Me: “Like, an idea…”
Kid: “So infinity is the highest idea?”
Me: “Well, no, there’s no ‘highest idea.’ That’s not a thing.”
Kid: “I don’t get it. What’s infinity then?”
Me: “It’s hard to explain.”
Kid: (silence)
Me: (prays conversation is over)
Kid: “So like, is there an infinity and one?”
The Thing Is
Giving a spelling assessment to a 3rd grader I’ve worked with for years:
Me: “Next, spell ‘daughter.’ As in, ‘I gave birth to my daughter, Nora, in August.'”
Kid: “You have a daughter?”
Me: “Seriously?”
Kid: “I don’t remember.”
Me: “I was here the day before I gave birth. When I came back to work in November, you gave me a gift for the baby. You asked me her name, and I told you it was ‘Nora,’ and you said it was a pretty name.”
Kid: 
Me: “You seriously don’t remember any of this?”
Kid: “The thing is, I only remember things I care about.”
Small
Kid: “How come you never wear your big diamond ring anymore?”
Me: “My engagement ring? I do. Just not all the time. I take it off when I go to the gym and sometimes forget to put it back on before I leave for the day.”
Kid: “Is your husband mad that you don’t wear it?”
Me: “No.”
Kid: “But now no one knows you have a husband! It’s like you’re not even married.”
Me: “Well, that’s not true. But regardless, I always wear my wedding band.”
Kid: “Huh?”
Me (point to wedding ring on left hand) “This. This is the ring my husband gave me at our wedding.”
Kid: “But that’s so small!!”
Me: “It’s not that sm—“
Kid: “No one will be able to see that it’s so small!”
Me: “Ok I mean I disagree but–”
Kid: “I CAN’T EVEN SEE IT AND I’M SITTING RIGHT HERE IT’S SO SMALL.”
Ebola Mom, Part 86
Ebola Mom, Part 85
(Continuation of Ebola Mom Part 84, and part of the Ebola Mom series)
I just want to say I am shocked– SHOCKED– by the number of you who just assume that I will continue to work for Ebola Mom after she completely disrespected me by blowing me off for an entire month, then popping back up and requesting my services as if nothing happened, expecting that I’d just be sitting here waiting to snap into action at her command. SHOCKED.
Clearly you know me very well.
We will resume sessions on Thursdays at 6pm.
Ebola Mom, Part 84
(Continuation of Ebola Mom Part 83, and part of the Ebola Mom series)
Well, well, well…..(and also WHAT?)
As always, please note the date stamps.
Ebola Mom, Part 83
(Continuation of Ebola Mom Part 82, and part of the Ebola Mom Series)
Please note the date stamps.
Ok, cool.
And you WOULD bring a fruitcake.
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