Marriage is 40% about love and 60% about having someone around to stop you from eating a wheel of Gouda for dinner and then dipping potato chips in gelato.
Tag Archives: adulting
Tech Support
Dear Apple Inc.,
Your iPhone product sucks. 50% of the time I go to use the Touch ID login, it doesn’t work. WTF? I thought you guys were supposed to be some kind of wizard geniuses.
Emily
Dear Emily,
Our data suggests that 95% of the time your Touch ID fails, it is due to the exorbitant amount of egg salad on your thumb. This egg salad obstruction impedes the device from accurately scanning your print. We are certain that if you learn to eat like a human, this will no longer be a problem.
Sincerely,
Apple Inc.
Dear Apple Inc.,
Forks are for losers and a true lady eats her cold deli salads with a potato chip utensil, but I suppose I see your point re: the obstruction. I still think the technology should be sophisticated enough to scan through food or any other thick layer of grime that might be on my hand at any given moment.
Emily
Dear Emily,
You need more help than we here at Apple Inc. are qualified to provide.
Good luck in life,
Apple Inc.
Sometimes you have to whip out your phone and pretend-talk into it to avoid a sidewalk encounter with your former boss and that does NOT make you a child.
I’m 35
That weird moment when you realize that drinking while getting ready might be a thing everyone else outgrew once college ended.
Adventures in Marriage Licenses, Part 2
Yeah That Was Fun For Us Too
You know you’re doing some serious adulting when someone sends you a wedding gift thank you note that includes this line:
I still have a scar.
(Landing smack on top of Eric, who was a mere casualty in my dancing-gone-awry, did help break my fall, though.)
I Hear Motherhood Shifts Your Priorities
I imagine that when I’m pregnant one day, I will spend 1 month preparing for birth and 8 months preparing the drink I will finally get to have afterwards.
The baby thing will be learn-as-you-go, but it seems important to get that drink right.
Confessions
The important thing is that I know how to WITHDRAW the cash.
Adulting
That first time there’s a family event and your dad doesn’t offer to pay for your accommodations.
No but seriously what do I do.
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