Kid: “My mom and I saw you running in Central Park on Saturday!”
Me: “Oh yeah!? How’d I look?”
Kid: “REALLY tired.”
Me: “Hahah yeah– I was!”
Fuck you.
Tag Archives: running
It’s called logic, kids.
Because I was supposed to do a 10-mile training run this morning, but didn’t.
I’m sorry that you don’t see that as a reasonable explanation for why I am eating this giant chunk of leftover mac and cheese with my fists, but in my head it makes complete sense.
So fuck off.
Roadblocks
Staring at your Charity Miles app for almost the entire duration of your 9 mile OBX run in what can only be described as dog-death humidity (I swear I passed a whimpering, defeated camel), does NOT make the time go by faster.
It DOES, however, cause you to trip over a toddler on his tricycle.
Sorry, kid.
But seriously. Stop crying.
You’re fine.
The Worst That Can Happen
That moment when you’re so hot post-run, you rip off all your clothes, stand in front of the AC naked, and don’t even bother to close the curtains because honestly, what’s the worst that can happen– the neighbor across the street sort of sees something from a distance?
Then two painters lower themselves onto your balcony.
Right in front of your face.
Oh. Hey guys….
Watch Your Language
There is a staff photo wall in our school, with pictures of staff members partaking in activities they enjoy. My photo is an action shot from the NYC half marathon I ran.
Kid: “Ms. Emily, you look different in that picture on the wall downstairs.”
Me: “I know, I look super tough and athletic right?”
Kid: “No. Just younger.”
Then I ripped up the paper he was working on and flunked him.
I’m just going to be Anna today.
That moment when you tell the barista your name is Anna, because you’re so embarrassed by how much you’re sweating post-run, you decide you need an alias.
Motivation
Sometimes you have to sign up for another marathon for the sole reason that you miss eating Chipotle.
Well, you miss eating it on a daily basis.
Well, you miss eating it guilt-free on a daily basis.
Til death do us part, Chipotle.
(No, literally. This race might kill me.)
ANYONE WANNA JOIN?!
Things We Know!
Lately, during my outdoor runs, I’ve been seeing a lot of these shirts:
And obviously I’m a fan, as I am a supporter of any display of racial pride that doesn’t come from a white person.
But I’m just a little confused– is there an underlying assumption here that society doesn’t already know that black girls run?
You win EVERY MARATHON and EVERY OLYMPIC TRACK EVENT. We know you run. You run very, very fast.
Regardless, this seems to be an extremely popular brand, so if it’s lucrative to create a brand stating things we all know about certain demographics, then consider this shit trademarked:
Running Hacks
The key to feeling good about your running pace is to find someone much slower than you, and constantly stay a few steps ahead of them.
So thank you, pigeon with injured limb. I feel better now.
(P.S. Are you this pigeon? Did I do that to you? Wow, this has really come full circle.)
Finally! I’m In “That Place”
I just went running in the park and saw my ex boyfriend. He was with a girl who I can only assume is his new girlfriend, as they looked flirty and happy. And maybe it was the endorphins or maybe it’s just that I’m in a better, more mature, secure place in my life, but as I watched them I couldn’t help but think “You know what? That’s great.”
Because he totally got fat.
#dodgedthatbullet
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