All posts by Emily
You Really Backed Yourself Into a Corner There
Eric: “I was going to make a joke on Facebook about how you’re now 2 years older than me again, but I didn’t think you’d want me to say your age on social media.”
Me: “Why wouldn’t I want you to say my age?”
Eric: “Well because…”
Me: “Because…??”
Eric: “Because…”
“Sorry I didn’t wish you a happy birthday yesterday. I was just really busy.”
— student, age 10
Um. Have You Met Me?
Friend, to me: “It’s so nice to just totally disconnect from social media on your birthday. You should try it.”
You’re HERE!
As I’m rifling through my work bag looking for a pencil during my tutoring session, the kid spots my pile of student-made birthday cards.
Kid: “Wait a minute– is it your birthday?!”
Me: “Yes it is!”
Kid (adorably overexcited): “Oh my gosh!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”
Me: “Thank you!”
Kid: “I can’t believe it’s your birthday and you’re HERE. In MY apartment! Tutoring ME!”
Yeah I guess that is pretty sad.
If You’re Prone to Anxiety
Do NOT let Google predict what you need.
In other upsetting news, I’m a poop. 
How to Prepare for a Birthday in Your Mid-30s
The events of tomorrow very much necessitate the events of today.
I’m fucking old.
Write Me Every Day
If Trump becomes president, I’m moving to 15 Yemen Road, Yemen.
Eric Tries to Fit In
Last night texts were flying back and forth on the family text chain, to which Eric was recently added. He’s going to the golf Masters this weekend so, feeling like one of the gang, he texted the family mid-convo to see if they wanted anything.
An hour later, after no response…
I Know What You Meant
Today we went over to Eric’s old apartment to get rid of the last of his furniture before his lease ends on Thursday.
Eric’s super friendly neighbor (seeing us load the elevator): “Oh hey, man! Oh no, you’re moving?”
Eric: “Unfortunately, yeah. I’m moving in with my girlfriend.”
(Pause while I stand there awkwardly)
Eric: “Oh! I mean fortunately.”
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