No I’m fine with all that, I just don’t date blondes.
Category Archives: Dating/Single Life
Standards In My 30s
There was a time when I would only agree to first dates with smart, funny, higher-educated, upper middle class Jewish men.
Now…
I blame you, NYC.
Dating App PSA
Dear All Men Everywhere,
It is really REALLY super creepy when the main profile photo on your dating app is a picture of yourself as a young boy. Do you think we like this? I’m so confused. This is the only photo we see in that first instant when we decide if we’re swiping right or left– are you TRYING to attract a woman who looks at a picture of a 5 year old boy and says “Ooooh, tell me MORE!”?
If that IS who you’re looking for, maybe try looking somewhere else.
Like jail.
That’s where pedophiles are. In jail.
Now stop being a creepster. The world has enough problems.
Emily
I’m a Perfect Gentleman
That awkward situation where he lives a little closer to the date spot than you do, so you end up walking him home.
Things You Don’t Want Your Brother To Say To You Right Before a Date
This.
Oh.
The Best Advice
“Maybe don’t.”– friend, when I said my upcoming second-date strategy will be to just put it all out there and be myself.
Boys to Men
Nothing was more rewarding, adorable, awkward, or terrifying than 28 fourth graders working together to write this poem about love. For the record, a boy chose the topic “love” and a boy chose the metaphor “butterflies.”
So what happens to the male brain between ages 10 and the age they create their first dating profile that completely erases these sentiments?
I’m just saying.
Notice no one chose the metaphor ” balloon knot.”
This Optimistic Guy, Part 2
Which is Worse
I’ve been feeling kind of off the past few weeks and haven’t really been able to pinpoint why. Then today I was standing behind two women in Starbucks, and one of them was listing all my symptoms.
Woman 1: “I just don’t feel myself at ALL. I’m exhausted all the time, my body is sore, I have a constant headache, I just feel slow and lethargic and all I want to do is sleep.”
And just as I’m about to tap her on the back and say “Hey, ME TOO! What do you think is wrong with us?!”, she turns around, and I see what the problem is.
Woman 2: “Well jesus you’re 8 months pregnant with twins, how do you THINK you’re going to feel?”
So the point here is that I am either 8 months pregnant with twins, or just a single, 33-year-old, definitely-not-pregnant (trust me) woman who’s been waking up every day lately FEELING like she’s 8 months pregnant with twins.
I am legitimately not sure which is worse.
I do know that when I am pregnant one day, I am royally fucked.
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