Last night, 24 hours after the horrific events in Paris, knowing that we all needed a break from the media coverage and sadness, my mom texted to check in on us. Steph was unable to comprehend the sentiment:
So I stepped in to explain:
In other words, Steph, make Mom feel better by telling her we are ok and enjoying ourselves, so she will stop worrying.
A for effort, Ma.
In case you’re wondering what this guy 
looks like in real life….
I’ve had this photo in my possession for 48 hours, and I literally cannot stop looking at it and laughing. I’ve made it the background of all my electronic devices and it has increased my quality of life by about 65%.
The look on my nephew’s face perfectly captures how every baby must feel about all the ridiculous shit we adults make them do.
If Auntie Em has her way (and I will, because I am relentless), a framed, poster-size copy of this photo will 100% be the centerpiece on every table at his Bar Mitzvah. So help me god.
#BoogerMcPorkpie #NeverDisappoints
When I have kids one day, I am never going to yell at them, punish them, set rules/curfews, or prevent them from doing the things they want to do because I’m going to be the cool parent who understands that children are people too, and they should be allowed to do as they please and make their own decisions.
Said my 12 year old self.
What a fucking idiot.
Kid (who has 2 siblings): “My mom always calls me the wrong name.”
Me: “Let me tell ya something, kid. That’s just what happens to parents who have more than 2 children. They can’t keep everyone straight. I’m one of four, and my mom did the same thing.”
Kid: “Yeah but it’s not just that she calls me by my siblings’ names.”
Me: “I know. Let me guess. She also calls you by your uncle’s name. Or her best friend’s name. Or your cousin’s name.”
Kid: “She calls me by the dog’s name.”
Oh. Yikes. That’s rough.
Since posting about my purchase of The Squatty Potty, I can’t even tell you how many people have been asking me about it….
Last night Zack cooked us a roast beef for sibling dinner….
I think we can all agree that those were the 2 most entirely unnecessary texts ever sent.
(Continuation of I Love Babysitting )
My sister and brother in law have a bar mitzvah on Long Island, so tonight’s the night Eric and I lube up the baby and watch him crawl across the hardwood floors, an opportunity we missed during Lubegate and have regretted ever since.
If that goes well (how could it not?), we will break out hockey sticks and use the baby as a puck.
We will then stick him in a huge steam pot with pasta, dump red sauce on him, sprinkle him with parmesan, take a photo, and advertise him on craigslist as a gourmet spaghetti-and-meatball dinner for 10.
And to think I don’t even charge Steph and Andrew for my services.
This morning, as I was running at 6am after having been sick all week, I started to doubt my ability to run this upcoming Philadelphia marathon.
But then I remembered that I ran my very first marathon a few years ago with an extremely painful UTI (don’t ask. I discovered it too late. And I’d come too far).
And my sister ran a half marathon with a bladder full of kidney stones.
And my brother ran a half marathon with two extremely chafed, stinging, bleeding nippples.
And we ALL finished our races. And made pretty good time! Which just goes to show.
My family is disgusting.
We really should take better care of ourselves.
Jesus Christ.
Emily's Posts 