Kid (pointing to the messy bun piled on top of my head): “My mom wears her hair like that when she does laundry.”
Me: “Oh, perfect.”
Kid: “Or, like, if she’s staying in the house all day.”
Me: “Uh huh…”
Kid: “Really if she’s doing anything where other people won’t see her.”
I tried a new nail salon that just opened up on my block, so the lovely owner gave me the hard sell (in slightly broken English)….
Owner: “We give you 20% off today. And you tell your friends about us? I see you live in neighborhood!”
Me: “I do! But how can you tell?”
Owner: “You carry the Starbuck drink and you wear the clothes for going to gym.”
Me: “Ha! You’re right! I am heading to the gym!”
I’m not. These are my regular clothes.
Kid: “Miss Emily, how come you never wear any makeup?”
I wear makeup every day.
Damnit, Anthropologie! Stop tricking me into believing I’m a whimsical person.
The bandanas made it.
Just ran into my Super outside the compactor room, which is next to the laundry room.
Super: “Emily, you did laundry yesterday, yes?”
Me: “Yes!”
Super: “There were some things left in one of the dryers. I put them on the counter in there, you might want to check if they’re yours.”
Me: “Oh, ok, great! Thank you! They probably ARE mine, that sounds like something I would do.”
I enter the laundry room, and sitting on the counter is a SUPER tiny black lace thong and a pair of ridiculously worn-out cotton underwear that clearly should have been thrown away years ago.
Me (yelling): “Oh my gosh– no, no, no! These are definitely NOT mine!”
Super (laughing): “Oh, ok.”
Me: “I swear! I can be forgetful, but I’d never leave items like THAT lying around!”
Super: “Ok. Somebody else then!”
Me: “How embarrassing for THAT person!”
They are 100% mine.
1:17pm– the point during my work day at which I realized my shirt is on inside out.
I love clothes-shopping online because rather than having to go to the store and try everything on myself, I can just view it on the model and instantly decide if I like it or not.
Then the clothes arrive and I remember that I am not a model.
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