(Part of the Ebola Mom series )
And then the universe imploded.
Tag Archives: parenting
At Least No One is Wasting Their Time Here
At the conclusion of a whole discussion about preparing their daughter for the state tests in April…
Us: “Our time is just about up, but did you have any questions or comments?”
Parent: “No, everything is good, thank you.” (pauses to collect papers) “Oh! One thing. We are moving to China in 3 weeks.”
Can’t Wait to Catch That
At early dismissal, to a parent who looked like she had the flu:
Me: “You look like you’re really not feeling well. We can absolutely do your conference another time over the phone so that you don’t have to come in tonight.”
Parent: “Yeah I’m really sick. But don’t worry, I’m still coming tonight.”
Yeah I’m not sure you understand what it is I’m worried about.
It’s not you.
Ebola Mom, Part 47
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
As I enter my tutoring session, I recieve this text…
Ok, yeah. I tried REAL HARD not to let my explanation of math get in the way of their epically loud hammering and drilling.
What. Goes. ON?!?!
Field Trips!
Parent chaperone (to me, once we returned back to school after our field trip): “I always feel like teachers need a good, stiff drink after a field trip day.”
Me (laughing): “Aw, nah, we love field trips! It’s great to see the kids so excited!”
I am 3 drinks deep.
Ebola Mom, Part 46
Ebola Mom, Part 45
Punishment
Today in school, a kid got in trouble for hitting another student. When my co-teacher and I told him that unfortunately, we would now have to inform his mother, he began to cry and begged us not to tell her.
Kid: “PLEASE don’t call my mom! She will punish me and I’ll be grounded!”
Us: “And what exactly happens when you are grounded?”
Kid: “I can’t do anything!”
Us: “Anything?”
Kid: “Yeah! I just have to sit on the couch and watch tv all day!”
So your punishment is the exact life I want to be living.
No wonder you’re a disaster.
Emoji Personified
In case you’re wondering what this guy 
looks like in real life….
I’ve had this photo in my possession for 48 hours, and I literally cannot stop looking at it and laughing. I’ve made it the background of all my electronic devices and it has increased my quality of life by about 65%.
The look on my nephew’s face perfectly captures how every baby must feel about all the ridiculous shit we adults make them do.
If Auntie Em has her way (and I will, because I am relentless), a framed, poster-size copy of this photo will 100% be the centerpiece on every table at his Bar Mitzvah. So help me god.
#BoogerMcPorkpie #NeverDisappoints
Parent Teacher Conferences
And then this weird thing happened where almost every parent was super nice and complimentary and appreciative and said their kid was loving school this year and learning a ton.
No. That’s it. I have no snarky punch line. That’s actually what happened.
I was certain I was accidentally on drugs.
But my coteacher swears it happened too, and she’s much better about not accidentally taking drugs.
I don’t know what to do with this, guys.
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