“I will not pet the lions. I promise. Yes, I PROMISE. I promise!”
— Eric, in the airport before flight to Africa, on the phone with his mom.
He will, though.
All posts by Emily
The Right Thing To Say
Parent (to me): “So on my kid’s middle school application, I have to explain her multiple absences last year, what do you think I should put as the reason?”
Me: “Well. What WAS the reason?”
Parent: “My ex-husband is a useless dickbag and couldn’t get her to school in the morning while I worked.”
Me: “Um….’family circumstances?'”
Parent: “Oooooh, that’s GOOD! You know all the right things to say.”
Oh to be clear I would 100% write the dickbag thing. In all caps, 30-point font, and with these emoji 
It just seems you want to go in a different direction.
Saturday Night!
Things you should know if you know me.
Literally Every Conversation With Zack
This happens in person too, not just text. Every time.
Best Case Scenario
Leaving in a couple days for our honeymoon in South Africa….
Kid: “Oh my gosh, your hair looks awesome! It’s so great how it’s SO short!”
Me: “Aw thanks!”
Kid: “Because, you know….your face is SO long.”
I Am Who I Am
For my bridal shower a while back, a friend got me a gift certificate to Journelle, a high-end lingerie shop that sells incredibly sexy pieces. Think this:
Last night I realized I still hadn’t used the gift card, so needless to say Eric was excited to hop onto the website with me and peruse their merchandise.
I bought these:
SIDE POCKETS!!!! 
Productive Financial Discussions
They say in a marriage it’s important to discuss finances and be on the same page. Financials are not my forte, so we try to have a meaningful discussion at least once a week. Tonight’s:
Me: “I feel like we’ve been losing money in the stock market lately.”
Eric: “No we haven’t.”
Me: “Oh ok.”
And then I went back to eating bacon and scrolling Facebook.
Travel Priorities
Our honeymoon to South Africa and The Seychelles is next week…
Eric: “We have to go on this Anse Trail hike when we’re in the Seychelles. It leads to Anse Major, which is this beautiful, remote beach. Once in a lifetime experience. Totally secluded.”
Me: “So there’s no toilet?”
Nanny of the Year
Third graders are the best. Just barely on the cusp of having a clue.
Kid (out of NOWHERE): “Donald Trump is going to die, you know.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Kid: “Because he’s getting us into a war, and then he’s going to go fight in the war and he’ll die on the battlefield.”
Me: 
Kid: “What’s so funny?”
Me: “The idea of Trump going onto a battlefield and actually being willing to fight in a war he started. Who told you this anyway?”
Kid: “My nanny.”
Me: “Ah.”
Kid: “She’s Mexican.”
Me: “I see.”
(long silence)
Kid: “She’s REALLY excited for him to die.”
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