All posts by Emily

Sometimes I Wish She Listened Less

Kids/Teaching, Mental Health, , , , , , , , , , ,

Therapist: “So do you feel relieved now that you finally gave your boss notice that you’re quitting your job?”

Me: “Oh my god, YES. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m anxious about the upcoming change. And it’s bittersweet. And I’m really going to miss being with my coworkers every day, several of whom are my closest friends. But I’m also excited, and know it’s the right thing. But more than anything I’m just really proud of myself. Usually, if I’m in a situation that’s comfortable, it takes me forever to get out of it, even when I know it’s what I need to do. But this time, I knew in like December that I needed out, and by February, I made the decision and did it.”

Therapist: “Right! (pause) Well..2010.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Therapist: “You knew in December, 2010.”

Me: “Well, I mean, I didn’t really know then.”

Therapist (flipping through her notes): “December 6, 2010– ‘I need to quit my job. I’m unhappy in the system. I don’t feel fulfilled. I feel like if I stay one more year, I’m going to go insane.”

Me: “Right but that was just venting– I didn’t like KNOW know.”

Therapist (still quoting): “‘I know this with every fiber of my being.'”

Me: “Oh.”

Alright well I did it so BACK THE FUCK OFF.

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COincidence is JOincidence with a “C”

Relationships, , , ,

Dating and living with a type 1 diabetic has been very educational.  I now have no problem recognizing the symptoms of a low blood sugar. When it happens, Eric becomes very quiet and unresponsive, his eyes glaze over, and he is just generally disconnected from what’s happening around him. And there is a very clear pattern to the timing of these episodes.

They happen whenever I start talking.

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Tales From the State Test

Kids/Teaching, , , , , , , , , ,

Dear NYC Department of Education,

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You’re probably looking at this photo and thinking “Hmmm, what am I looking at here?”

Well I’ll tell you what you’re looking at.

This is a picture of a GIANT FUCKING COCKROACH, roughly the size of my man-handed fist, trapped underneath a book bin, then secured with a chair. This massive fella decided to show himself in the middle of the NY state test today, casually sauntering across the library floor like he owned the place, causing two of my 4th graders to jump out of their chairs, and, subsequently, the entire room to start screaming bloody murder.

As the only adult in the room, I had to act quickly and maturely.  This consisted of me screaming “EVERYBODY STAY CALM!!!!!!” like a batshit psycho, while darting across the room to the shelves, grabbing the nearest book bin, dumping out the entirety of its contents onto a table where 4 kids were test-taking, holding my breath, and trying to retrace the life choices that had lead me to this exact moment in time, so that I could undo them.

Once I trapped it beneath the bin, I put a chair on top of it, just in case that motherfucker decided to try something funny. Trust no one, DOE.

After the chair was secured and I had both swallowed the vomit in my throat and wiped the tears from my eyes, the kids were asked to sit for another hour, alongside the cockroach, and finish their exams.

So that’s why everyone failed.

Love,
Miss Emily