“I’m every bird’s worst nightmare.”
— Mom, casually explaining the manner in which she eats chicken.
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Connections
Yesterday…
Kid: “My dad has a connection so he and my mom have seen Hamilton on Broadway twice. He can get tickets so easily.”
Me: “Oh really? Well tell him that his daughter’s teachers would LOVE to go see it!”
Kid: “Ok, I will.”
Today…
Me: “So did you talk to Dad about tickets?”
Kid: “Yeah. He said it would be impossible.”
Me: “Aw, ok. Thanks for trying!”
LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For the Loved Ones
This one goes out to the supportive loved ones of people who struggle with mental illness– friends, family, significant others– ALL of you who stick with us through the ups and downs.
We know we’re not always easy. But you love us anyway, listen when it must be unbearably hard to listen, and check in even when you know the response will not be positive.
And most important, you keep us laughing.
Thank you.
Me: <loud, exasperated, “I’ve had a long day” super dramatic groan>
Eric: “I love you so much more when you’re asleep.”
Me: <eyeroll>
Eric: “Just kidding.”
(gives me a big hug)
Eric (whispering): “You’re even louder when you’re sleeping.”
Kid: “Miss Emily, how come you never wear any makeup?”
I wear makeup every day.
A part of me died today
“I didn’t have enough time.”
— My student, at 3:00pm, on why she didn’t even come close to finishing her state exam.
She started at 9:00am.
Thank Christ I never have to do this again.
No One’s Time Has Been Wasted
Thank you, Department of Education, for making this year’s tests untimed, so that this student could take a full 3 hours to answer 24 multiple choice questions.
He got 1 correct.
This is Entirely Healthy
Who told him?
The Results of State Testing
Tomorrow begins state testing. My 9-year-old students will come to school and sit for hours to take a test that is not remotely reflective of what they know, who they are, or what they are capable of achieving.
So in honor of these torturous, painful, anxiety-inducing tests that my young students have to suffer through and I have to watch them suffer through, I quit my job.
Hah, just kidding!
That’s not why I quit.
It makes me feel pretty good about my decision, though.
Ok yeah it’s a little bit why I quit.
Ebola Mom, Part 50
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
I was going to bring a handwritten thank you note next week, but now you can go fuck yourself.
Also, I gave the cookies to a homeless man.
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