Tag Archives: being single

Just Like Cinderella

I am going to the FIDF (Friends of the Israel Defense Forces) gala tonight, and I’m feeling JUST LIKE Cinderella. Except instead of a new blue ball gown, a twice-worn short black dress that may or may not fit. And instead of gleeful mice helping me get ready, a family of beady-eyed rabid rats scratching at my balcony door. And instead of a horse-drawn carriage, a delayed 6 train car with two separate puddles of urine. And instead of a fairy god mother, my jewish mother texting me right after I post this to ask “so who’s going tonight?” And instead of Prince Charming, a balding jew in finance.

Basically we’re both blondes.

Well, this season we’re both blondes.

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Sassy Pedicurist: Freeze the Eggs? Not a gift.

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Discussing my upcoming 33rd birthday…

Sassy: “You buy yourself something nice?”
Me: “I was thinking I’d freeze my eggs.”
Sassy: (head in hands)
Me: “I take it you don’t approve?”
Sassy: “A new dress is gift. Nice dinner. Long massage. Date with good man. Freeze the eggs? Not a gift.”
Me: “I think it is. It’s a smart, proactive, responsible decision that will relieve some anxiety.”
Sassy (pointing to adjacent customers): “Now you make EVERYONE in here sad.”

Empowerment

The last time I had the flu, I was in a relationship, so I stayed at my boyfriend’s apartment the entire time. He took care of me, fixed my meals, brought me meds, etc, and I remember thinking that I would be totally screwed if he wasn’t there to help me, as the flu is so exhausting it can make you downright delusional.

But you know what? Now that I have the flu and I’m all alone, it’s kind of empowering.

There’s a certain dignity in lapping up your lukewarm soup like a cat because you’re too weak to manipulate a spoon.

Or getting lost on your way to the bathroom in your studio apartment.

Or answering your remote control because you think it’s your phone, and then moaning into it when you’re certain your mom has picked up on the other line.

Or eating this yogurt:

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I got this, guys.

Healthy Perspective I Gain From Watching “Sex And The City”

Watching a Sex And The City marathon and seeing Big treat Carrie like complete dog shit episode after episode, but knowing they end up living happily ever after, is giving me a really healthy and hopeful outlook on my love life.

I am now certain that that ex who could never quite verbalize his feelings for me will totally come around. Even though he told me, early and often, he was not in a “relationship place.” And he now lives across the country. And is married. With kids.

I can totally stop dating now, guys! It’s all happening!

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