My therapist keeps reinforcing that it’s important for me to meditate, because it will give my brain a chance to completely turn off and literally be at its absolute stillest.
But like…that’s why I watch the Kardashians.
Tag Archives: depression
I’m Going to Die Alone: A Male vs. Female Response
Sometimes I get the old, “I’m going to die all alone” blues. Nothing dire or overly dramatic. Really.
They usually happen on Sunday. So, like….today.
I texted a female friend with this concern, and her response:
Then a male friend:
I’m not gonna lie– the male friend snapped me out of it.
You’ve Got It All Wrong
That moment when you’re getting ready for work and you look out your window and spot a woman who’s just got it all wrong. The outfit, the hair, the bag, the makeup, the expression on her face– everything is a giant hot mess. And you just want to reach out, give her a hug, and say “Come girl, let’s fix you.”
Wait, not a window. A mirror.
Running
Today I wanted to run:
- The Central Park loop
Instead, I ran:
- Away from my problems
- Out of toilet paper
- Into an ex (this one)
- Toward the wine store
- Through a series of anxious thoughts
- Myself ragged
This all probably could have been avoided if I had just run the fucking loop.
Lesson learned.
That’s The Attitude!
Kid (in complete unamused deadpan): “Happy first day of state testing.” (Looks at floor, puts head in hands)
Ah, young squire. I’ve taught you well.
Soon you’ll be saying such things over a plate of nachos salted with your own tears.
Sadness? Yeah I Think I’ve Heard of It.
Tutoring a 5th grader…
Kid: “Do you ever feel sadness?”
Me: “Sure.”
I call it “Winter.”
When it happens in the fall, I call it “Mental Health Disorder.”
When it happens in the summer, I call it “Hangover.”
When it happens in the spring, I call it “For The Love of God, WTF Is Wrong With You?! It’s SPRING– WHY AREN’T YOU HAPPY?! You Are The WORST. And Stop Resenting Those Happy People Over There. It’s Not Their Fault They Know How To Enjoy Things While You Feel Dead Inside. For Christ’s Sake, Come On, The Sun Is Out!” (I’ll admit this one could use a nickname).
We’ll call yours “Puberty.”
Regardless, grab a hat, some chocolate (or, ideally– a chocolate hat) and hold the fuck on.
Weird Shit That Helps My Depression
I dare you– DARE YOU– to start your day watching/listening to this clip and not be in a better mood.
Hold on to your habit– shit’s about to get joyful!!!!!
A few disclaimers:
1) I am not claiming that a song/dance routine can cure depression. If that were the case, I would have flushed my Prozac years ago and used the therapy money to buy a yacht. Well, not a yacht. Maybe a lifetime’s worth of Chipotle? Ok fine a yacht is a better investment. I just felt my dad put his head in his hands. (It’s just…then I’d have to learn how to yacht, how to take care of a yacht…just seems like a lot of work, Dad….)
2) My sharing of this clip is not a promotion of religion. I am not religious. I am certainly not Catholic. I am Jewish, remember? You must be new here.
3) Hey, remember when Lauryn Hill didn’t hate all white people? Ok, fine, that turned out to be a nasty rumor (seriously– I was curious so I Snope-d it), but it still made me sad for a few years.
4) I obviously still bought her album, screamed the lyrics to “Doo-Wop (That Thing)” and just hoped she never found out about it. Because if the rumors about her not wanting white people to sing her music were true, I was most definitely the EXACT white person she was talking about.
5) Yeah, I know. 3 and 4 aren’t really disclaimers. It’s called A.D.D., guys.
I Didn’t Realize You Knew About That
Our school math coach, a lovey man who works in our school about once a month (but who I don’t know well at all), sees me in the hall.
Him: “Oh! Hello Miss Emily! How are you doing?”
Me (sarcastically, carrying a stack of practice exams): “Oh! Just GREAT! It’s my FAVORITE time of year!”
Him: “Ah, yes. I thought about you the other day. My sister gets depressed in winter, too.”
Me: “Oh. I was referring to testing season…”
Him: “Oh. Right. Yes.” (awkward pause) “But you ARE the one who sits under that bright lamp in the winter, right?”
Me: “Yup. That’s me. Didn’t realize you knew about that…”
Him: “Ok good. I would have been embarrassed if I got the person mixed up!”
Me: “Yeah. Now, luckily, no one feels embarrassed.”
And then I walked away and hid in a hole.
I Don’t Know if You Heard, But….
Absolutely!
Why yes, enthusiastic man on street– today IS the day I’d like to sponsor a child in Guatemala! In fact, let’s save ALL THE CHILDREN!!!!***
#daylightsavings #seasonalaffectivedisorder #itsabovefreezing #sunisshining
***Did not actually sponsor child. Can barely afford own life.
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