“Yeah. I mean, I figured.”
–Kellyanne Conway, postmortem, realizing she’s been delivered to the gates of hell.
Tag Archives: politics
Restraint Deserves Reward
A pair of gloves, earmuffs, 2 pair of leather boots, new Uggs, and a scarf.
— My Cyber Monday gift to myself for not losing my shit over politics on Thanksgiving weekend.*
*Shit talked behind family members’ backs not included.
Maybe I Don’t Completely Understand
Mom (whispering before kid enters room): “So…[kid] didn’t get to do the homework you left him last week because he was so upset about the election results, he could barely do anything for days.”
Me: “Oh my gosh that’s terrible and so sad! It’s honestly so painful and disturbing to me that a kid his age would be so affected by this. The whole thing is just so awful. Obviously don’t worry about the homework, I completely understand.”
Mom: “Thank you, I knew you would.”
(Mom leaves, kid enters)
Me: “So like I just told your mom, don’t worry about the homework. I completely understand that you were upset about the election.”
Kid: “What election?”
Going through my closet. Throwing out all my rust-colored belts.
#takingaction
Yeah I Think It’s Safe to Say I’m Still a Little on Edge
Nostalgia
The sibling text chain has decided to return to a simpler time, when presidential sexism was more subtle.
So This Happened
That moment when your therapist can’t fit you in tomorrow because she’s received too many calls for Trump-related emergency appointments.
No. No you are not.
Kid: “Who are you voting for?”
Me: “I’m not sure I can say. But I can tell you that I am voting for the candidate who, in my opinion, is the most qualified person, is a decent human being, and will promote kindness and unity in this country rather than hatefully dividing us.”
Kid: “So…Hillary Clinton.”
<silence>
Kid: “I’m not an idiot.”
No Other Choice
Last night I had a nightmare that I was hanging off the edge of a cliff, and the only person who could save me was Donald Trump. He held out his hand and said, “I’ll save you– but if I do, it will guarantee that I become president.” I looked down and realized my only other option was a bloody, gory, untimely death. So obviously, I took Trump’s hand.
And pulled him down with me.
The Traditional Choice
Tutoring a 9 year old boy…
Me: “So, what are you going to be for Halloween? A devil? Maybe a vampire?”
Kid: “Bernie Sanders.”
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