(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
Nope. That’s not a thing.
Tag Archives: being jewish
Break-Fast is Our Favorite Holiday
The key to feeling like a good Jew is dating an even worse Jew.
Do As I Say, Not As I Do
One of our school mottos is “Be yourself– everyone else is already taken.”
So on the first day with the kids tomorrow, my also jewish, white, 30-something co-teacher and I are going to wear matching dresses, necklaces, and hairstyles.
Because leading by example is overrated and hard.
But wearing matching outfits is adorable and fun!
Jewish Mother Words of Encouragement
“You are MUCH cuter than her. You could do this!”
— Mom, to me, while watching Amy Schumer on The Today Show
Not being cute enough was never particularly a concern.
Now it is.
So thanks.
The Most Dramatic, Jewish Mother Response EVER.
Zack emailed the family a very simple, benign question related to our upcoming family vacation in the Outer Banks:
Mom’s response:
A simple yes or no would have sufficed.
Israelis Continue to Be Helpful
Me (at falafel counter, overwhelmed by options): “What’s the best way to order falafel?”
Israeli friend: “Say ‘falafel.'”
Got it.
Rules For Jewish Girl Travel
If you look at the historical site on the computer WHILE in Israel, you totally went to it.
I’m Never Making THAT Mistake Again
When I flew to Israel 2 years ago and went through the VERY intense security check, I was irrationally intimidated by the seriousness with which the Israeli man questioned me. So I did what I always do when I’m uncomfortable– I got sarcastic.
Security: “Are you jewish?”
Me: “Yes.”
Security: “Do you have a hebrew name?”
Me: “Yes.”
Security: “What is your hebrew name?”
Me: “Shoshana.”
Security: “Where did you get this name from?”
Me: “I don’t know…God?”
He did not smile. At all. In fact, there was a 10 second period where I was certain he was not going to let me on the plane.
So tonight when I go through the Israeli security, I will not be making that mistake again.
This time, I’ll give a wink after the sarcastic comment. Maybe even a friendly little “jk” punch to his shoulder.
Because I think the problem is that last time, he just missed the joke.
Which is ok.
Not everyone can be as smart as Americans.
On This Mother’s Day, A Classic Quote From My Jewish Mother
Just now, on the phone:
Mom: “So, you had a third date with this guy? That sounds promising!”
Me: “Well, no, we have a third date coming up. But yeah, he’s a good guy.”
Mom: “Good! When’s the date?”
Me: “Thursday.”
Mom: “Ok.”
(long pause)
Mom: “So when is he going to ask you for a weekend date?”
This Is My New Favorite Thing On Earth
Type in your zip and enjoy the forecast (it gives you the ACTUAL forecast for your area, in language you can totally relate to. If you’re jewish. Or old. Or know anyone who is jewish or old.)
I highly recommend hitting the “random forecast” button afterwards, just to see what else she has to say.
You’re welcome.
(P.S. This was introduced to me by this guy, as he knew from meeting me once that I would love it. This is either amazing or terrible.)
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