Me: “Soooo…what’s this stuck to your homework? Looks like a chewed up snack of some sort?”
Kid: “Ewwwww no!”
Me: “Ok, phew.”
Kid: “It’s a booger.”
Tag Archives: children
It’s Been This Kind of Day
I Think I Handled This Just Fine
This kid is 4.
Kid: “What’s your husband’s name?”
Me: “Eric.”
Kid: “Oh, like PRINCE ERIC?”
Me: “Yes. That is what I call him. Prince Eric.”
Kid (excited, in one breath): “So you used to be a mermaid and sing songs on a rock and had a friend named Sebastian and also a friend Flounder and then you lost your voice so you could be a human and marry Eric and an evil octopus tried to stop you but then she didn’t and then you got your voice back and then you weren’t a mermaid anymore and you and Eric lived happily ever after because you’re the good guys and the good guys always live happily ever after?”
Me: “Woah, um, ok. So that’s not…”
Kid: 
Me: “You know what? Yes. That is exactly what happened.”
Kid: “I KNEW it.”
Literal Shit Show
Steph went to retrieve my nephew after his nap, and encountered him with poop all over his hands. Seems he woke up early, got bored, and found a way to entertain himself.
Kid is nothing if not resourceful.
(After Steph sends photo….)
The Defense Does NOT Hold Water
Me: “Did you do your homework?”
Kid: “No, I didn’t have time. With Christmas and all.”
Me: “Christmas is still 2 weeks away.”
Kid: “I know, but like. There’s a LOT that goes into Christmas, you know? There’s a lot of stuff that leads up to it. It’s not just like you’re busy on that ONE day.”
Me: “I guess…”
(15 minutes later)
Me: “So what IS your family doing for Christmas?”
Kid: “Oh, my family? Nothing. We’re Jewish.”
Pretty Much
Kid and I are researching quotes for his paper about community action, and we come across a good quote by Nelson Mandela.
Me: “Ohhh, that’s a perfect one to use. Do you know who Nelson Mandela is?”
Kid: “Yeah of course.”
Me: “Oh, I’m impressed. I wouldn’t necessarily think a kid your age would know about him.”
Kid: “Well, my dad listens to his music all the time.”
Me: “Ummm…his music? Nelson Mandela was not a musician, as far as I know…”
Kid: “Yes, he’s a country singer!”
Me: “I think you’re thinking of someone else…”
Kid: “You know, (singing) ‘On the road again, Just can’t wait to get on the road again….'”
Me: “Oh, honey, no. That’s Willie Nelson. Not Nelson Mandela. They are two very VERY different people. Nelson Mandela ended apartheid in South Africa.”
Kid (pondering): “Ok but otherwise they’re pretty much the same.”
Well That’s Accurate
Me: “And what would you say is your greatest area of need?”
Kid: “Vocabulary.”
Me: “And your greatest strength?”
Kid: “Like, I guess…not vocabulary?”
Well Played
I had a kid fill out a math assessment for homework. There was some new content in it, so I told her if she really didn’t know how to answer a question, just write “no idea” underneath, and I’d help her in the next session.
So in the next session, I taught her the strategy she needed to use to answer the “no idea” question. Once she had a firm grip on the strategy, I said, with optimistic enthusiasm, “Ok, so let’s go back to that question where you wrote ‘no idea’ and see if we can change that answer!”
So she changed it.
(but then….)
Because come on that’s fucking hilarious.
Kid: “Oh my gosh, your hair looks awesome! It’s so great how it’s SO short!”
Me: “Aw thanks!”
Kid: “Because, you know….your face is SO long.”
Nanny of the Year
Third graders are the best. Just barely on the cusp of having a clue.
Kid (out of NOWHERE): “Donald Trump is going to die, you know.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Kid: “Because he’s getting us into a war, and then he’s going to go fight in the war and he’ll die on the battlefield.”
Me: 
Kid: “What’s so funny?”
Me: “The idea of Trump going onto a battlefield and actually being willing to fight in a war he started. Who told you this anyway?”
Kid: “My nanny.”
Me: “Ah.”
Kid: “She’s Mexican.”
Me: “I see.”
(long silence)
Kid: “She’s REALLY excited for him to die.”
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