(Part of the Ebola Mom series )
My favorite part of this is that she doesn’t know how to space the exclamation points because I’m pretty sure she’s never used one.
Tag Archives: parents
Sorry, Kid
Ran into a former student and his mom on the street.
Mom: “How’s the tutoring business going?”
Me: “Great! But, you know (smiling at the kid)— I really miss the classroom!”
Mom: “Oh please. No you don’t.”
Me (laughing): “Really, I do!”
Mom: “You do NOT!”
Me: “I do!”
Mom (pointing at kid): “You don’t have to pretend for him. It’s fine.”
Me: “Ok yeah I really don’t.”
No. Just NO.
I am sitting in a large window nook at Starbucks doing work. The nook is meant for sitting– there is another woman here too, working on her laptop. As we’re typing away, a man walks in with a screaming baby. That’s fine– babies scream. You know what’s NOT fine? When he lay the baby down 6 INCHES FROM MY LAP and changed his shit-filled diaper, right next to my Peach Tranquility tea and half-eaten Kind bar.
Then, AFTER he changed the diaper, he took the baby to the bathroom with him so he could wash his hands, leaving the shit-filled wipes sitting on the ledge, right between me and the other woman.
This begs two questions:
- If you ended up taking the baby into the bathroom with you anyway, and therefore clearly knew there was an available bathroom, why didn’t you just change the baby in there?
- WHAT. THE ACTUAL. FUCK?!
This is a public restaurant. WITH FOOD! People are eating and drinking. You are NOT allowed to whip out a mountain of poop in my face. At least not on purpose!
NYC lost 10 points today.
So did parenthood.
Ebola Mom, Part 64
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
Glad someone’s keeping track of her kid’s progress. 
For reference, the state tests are scored on a 1-4 scale:
1= below grade level
2= approaching grade level
3= on grade level
4= above grade level
Ebola Mom, Part 63
(Continuation of Ebola Mom Part 61, Ebola Mom Part 62, and part of the Ebola Mom series)
Six days after the original incident, 4 days after realizing I was offended, and 2 hours before I’ll be seeing her kid….an apology!! 
Ebola Mom, Part 61
I’m Never Having Kids.
Ebola Mom, Part 60
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
She got so close to being normal and then she blew it.
…and “Happy Chanukah?” No? Too much effort? K cool.
I’ll take the “I apologize” Christmas miracle and run with it.
Ebola Mom, Part 59
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
Pretty sure she literally has us all programmed in her phone as “The Help.”
The Parenting Secret
“Thank you so much for teaching me today, Miss Emily.”
— tutoring client, Age 2. Yes, 2.
Me (to the mom): “Your toddler is incredibly well-behaved and polite. Teach me your parenting secret.”
Mom: “We just really reinforce good manners in this house. We emphasize respect and appreciation for others.”
Me: “And that works?! Just like that? Incredible.”
Mom: “Just like that. I find that if you model positive behavior, your children will follow.”
Me: “That was always my motto in the classroom but somehow it didn’t go as smoothly for me!”
Mom: “Trust me, the secret is consistency. And sometimes you just get lucky with a naturally sweet-natured, respectful kid.”
Then, the second I left and closed the door–
“MOMMMMM!!!! I SAID THANK YOU TO MISS EMILY NOW GIVE ME AN OREO!!!!! I SAID NOWWWWWWWW!!!”
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