Tag Archives: anxiety

People I Have it More Together Than

Mental Health, , , , , , , , ,

Because sometimes, on the first day of winter, you need a list.

  1. Rob Kardashian
  2. I took a 10 minute pause here at #2 and stared blankly at the screen because I literally couldn’t think of anyone else. So I got up, retied my bathrobe, stretched what I’m pretty sure is the beginning of a weird-sleeping-position-induced torn rotator cuff, and took a brief walk from the living room to the other side of the living room (estimated distance 5 feet). I recognize this probably invalidates the entire concept of my list, but I’m sorry my work life is weirder than yours.
  3. The dog on the 29th floor who shits in the stairwell (realized this list should be humans)
  4. All characters on Shameless (realized this list should be real humans)
  5.  Michael Jackson (realized this list should be real humans who are still alive and who were not child molesters)
  6. Bill Cosby (realized having it more together than a rapist isn’t great)
  7. Paula Dean (same as above, swap rapist for racist. Also I think she’s pulled it together now, at least publicly. No? Ugh I don’t know, I haven’t thought about her in years, and I’m sure neither have you. I have no idea how she ended up on this list. You can see how desperate I’m getting.)
  8. My night doorman who’s always asleep  (No, you know what? Good for him.)
  9. The dirty cat who lives in the corner store (I changed my mind about the “has to be a human” rule, then doubted my decision and changed my mind back again, because THAT’S WHAT LIVING IN MY HEAD IS LIKE. Also, even if I DID include non-humans, I’m not sure that cat could even make the list because, honestly, he does always look warm.)
  10. I give up.

This exercise really backfired.

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Grass is Always Greener

Mental Health, , , , , , , ,

Me (ranting about a former client who didn’t understand or value the services I provide as a tutor): “It must be nice for you– you know, to be a doctor, and work in an established, revered field where your clients actually have respect for the work that you do.”

Therapist: “Half my clients have personality disorders. I get called the c-word and am told to go fuck myself at least three times a week.”

Oh.

Alright well I feel better now.

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I Am Who I Am

Mental Health, , , , , , ,

Discussing possible strategies for dealing with my seasonal depression….

Therapist: “Maybe start with some small, achievable actions. For example, shave your legs– because I know you, and I know you haven’t shaved them since summer ended.”

Me: “But if I do that now, then what will I get Eric for our wedding day?”

Therapist (sighs): “The gift of knowing he is marrying someone who regularly shaves her legs?”

Me: “So…lies. You’re saying I should get him lies.”

Therapist: <head in hands >

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It’s Important to be Realistic About These Things

Family, Mental Health, , , , , , , ,

Prompted by a storyline on a TV show, my friends and I found ourselves having the following discussion: If, god forbid, something should happen to one of our parents, would we be supportive of the other parent entering the dating world? Pretty much all of my friends agreed that they would be extremely uncomfortable and they were not sure they could be supportive.

But I think that’s pretty naive and close-minded. I’m much more realistic about these things.

In the sense that I don’t have to think about it, because my mom and dad are going to die at the same time. On the same day I do. I’ll be 90 years old and they’ll be 126, and we’ll all go peacefully in our sleep, holding hands.

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I’d Like to Spend One Day Inside His Brain

Mental Health, Relationships, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I have notoriously disturbing dreams, clearly driven by my anxiety. Sometimes they’re straight up terrifying horror shows, other times they are just upsetting and leave me feeling uneasy, like last night’s.

Eric: “Did you sleep ok? You were tossing and turning.”

Me: “No. I had a dream where, for whatever reason, I was walking around a mall holding thousands of dollars in a bag. And I stopped in the mall arcade, and put a $1000 bill in the arcade machine, even though I meant to put in a $10. But then it was too late. So it ate the money and gave me tickets. But then, I actually ended up winning all these vouchers– like thousands of dollars in vouchers. All I had to do was go claim it. But then somehow I misplaced the bag with my cash and vouchers, and I ended up losing all the money I started with, plus the money I won. I started panicking, sweating, running around the mall, trying to retrace my steps. Everyone was telling me how irresponsible I am. And the more they said it, the more I panicked, but no matter what I did I couldn’t find my way back to the money, and nobody would help me.”

(silent pause)

Eric: “I dreamt that I wore my new Uggs and someone was like– ‘you don’t have to wear socks with those, they’re so soft!'”

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