During class at the kiddie gym…
Instructor (about Nora): “You know, you’re really good with her. Like, REALLY good.”
Me: “Oh my gosh thank you so much! I appreciate you saying that.”
Instructor: “Yeah and trust me I’ve seen a LOT of nannies. I hope they’re paying you well.”
Nora is playing with another little girl in the kiddie gym. The supervisor of open playtime watches them for a bit and then turns to me.
Supervisor: “How old is he?”
Me: “She. She’s 13 months.”
Supervisor: “No no” (points at other little girl) “Not her.”
Me: “Right, I kno–”
Supervisor: (Points at Nora) “HIM.”
At the kiddie gym, Nora is playing at the chalk board with another boy.
Nora (picks up yellow piece of chalk, shows it to boy): “It’s yellow!”
Boy’s Mom: “Oh my god, she knows her colors?! That’s amazing!”
Me: “Yeah I know it’s crazy.”
Boy’s Mom: “She’s a genius!”
Me: “Haha I like to think so!”
Nora: (picks up pink chalk): “It’s yellow!”
Nora: (picks up green chalk) “It’s yellow!”
Nora: (picks up blue chalk) “It’s yellow!”
Me: “Haha ok maybe she doesn’t know ALL the colors….”
Nora: (picks up bug off the floor) “It’s yellow!”
Me: “No no Nora that’s a bu—”
Nora: (eats bug)
Me: “Nora, no!”
Nora (mouth full of bug): “It’s yellow!”
Boy’s Mom: <Picks up kid. Leaves.>
Nanny: “Nora has been doing something very dangerous.”
Me: “Oh no! What!?”
Nanny: “She puts things over her head. Everything. Towels, clothes, pillows.”
Me: “Oh really?”
Nanny: “Yes. She thinks it’s a game of peekaboo. But it’s very dangerous. I told her no, no, no.”
Me: “Ok good.”
Nanny: “It’s very important you stop this behavior when you see it.”
Me: “Oh, of course, I always do.”
One day earlier:
Last month we officially joined a Kiddie Gym, and I’ve been taking Nora there almost every day. Due to my social anxiety (which results in an inadvertent yet epic resting bitch face that I am completely oblivious to until a homeless man inevitably sees me on the street and screams “Smile, sweetheart! Life’s not so bad!”), for the first few weeks I pretty much kept to myself and probably wasn’t giving off the friendliest vibes to other moms.
Then today I decided that I’ve become more comfortable with the familiar faces and perhaps it’s time to try to be social and (gasp!) maybe even make a friend.
So this morning Nora was climbing the mats with a toddler boy who started getting a little rough, and his mom, who seemed pretty cool and normal and like someone I could totally be friends with, stepped in…
Boy’s Mom: “Nick, honey. Be gentle with the little girl. She’s just a baby!” (turns to me) “Sorry about that, he doesn’t know his own strength. We’re working on it.”
Me: “Oh, no worries at all! And it’s fine, Nora’s tough. I’m just impressed you knew she was a girl! Everyone always assumes she’s a boy.”
Boy’s Mom: “Oh, no, no! I’ll never make THAT mistake again!”
Me: “Oh did you think some short-haired baby girl was a boy and the mom had absolutely NO sense of humor about it?”
Boy’s Mom: “Yes…”
Me: <laughing> “Some people are just the worst.”
Boy’s Mom: “It was you. Last week.”
We didn’t become friends.
I’m in the elevator with Nora and a man gets in with his dog…
Nora: “It’s a doggie!”
Me: “Yes it is! What does the doggie say?”
Nora: “Woof woof!”
Man: “Wow, that’s pretty good!”
Me: “Yes, well. She’s Harvard-bound.”
Me: “I’m totally kidding.”
Man (laughing): “Oh thank god! You never know around here.”
Me (laughing): “I know. But don’t worry, I’m not one of those crazy ‘My 1-year-old-is-going-to-Harvard moms!”
She’s going to Penn.
Nora, every second I’m alone with her:
Nora, every time I just want silence:
Nora, the second someone asks me if she’s talking yet and I say “Yes! She babbles all day and says a bunch of real words! Nora, show them how much you talk!”:
“Come on Nora, you talk to Mom all day at home! You never stop! Show them how you say “hi!” or “bye!” or “cheese!””
“Ok Nora, please say something, because now you’re just making Mom look like an asshole.”
I met another new mom in the building.
Her: “Where’s Nora’s favorite food from?”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Her: “Like we order from Little Spoon, fresh delivery of organic foods. Or sometimes [my kid] likes the finger foods from Yumi, they’re also organic and they do all these different boxes of mixed foods, they’re great.”
Her: “So where does Nora like food from?”
She likes to eat food that she finds on the floor.
Nora had a second surgery on Monday to remove a cyst that had developed on one of the suture sites, and to remove one of the four silicone slings holding her eyelids up.
Surgeon (right before surgery): “[lengthy explanation of everything he will do, process and risks of anesthesia, post-op care, etc ]….and that’s it. It should be a quick surgery, about 20 minutes. Do you have any questions before we take her into the operating room?”
Me: “Only 20 minutes? So I won’t have time to get an ice cream downstairs?”
I had time.
I go to pick up a couple medications at CVS, and a male pharmacist is ringing me up…
Pharmacist (to Nora): “Hi cutie!” (then, to me) “Are you breastfeeding?”
Me (taken aback): “Excuse me? Um, NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS?!?”
Pharmacist: “Oh, I….”
Me: “JESUS. Why do men– or anyone for that matter– think it’s ok to ask a woman that? I really don’t understand. It’s completely inappropriate. Honestly, shame on you. And I say that on behalf of all women.”
Pharmacist: “I’m required by law to ask you that before handing you this medication.”
(10 second awkward silence)
Me: “Please still give me the drugs.”