“I love you, and I’m sorry it has to be this way, but you are no longer invited to family vacation in the Outer Banks this summer. I’m sure you understand.”
— Me, to my 1 and a half year old nephew, as I witnessed his first tantrum.
Tag Archives: parenting
My Hope For My Future Child
Now that I’ve seen my friends and sister raising children, I have learned a few things about what I want for my own future child.
When I have a kid, I hope he’s a really easy baby who sleeps a lot, and then, right around the time he’s supposed to start walking and talking, he instead turns 22 and gets a job.
Everything in between looks really hard.
Survival Tactics
Me and a friend (a new friend who doesn’t know me or my family that well), discussing the idea of large families:
Friend: “I can’t BELIEVE your mom had four children. That is so many!”
Me: “I completely agree. I mean, it’s great now that we are all adults. But as young kids? Four is too many. My mom had to live in her car for like 15 years.”
Friend: “Wait, what?! She LIVED in the car? Why? Where did the rest of you live?”
Me (laughing): “No no, I’m sorry. I meant that she had to spend all of her time in the car. Driving us to all our activities and carpooling.”
Friend: “Oh my god. I thought you meant like because of having so many kids, there wasn’t enough room in the house, or enough money or something, so she had to live alone in her car.”
No. But to be honest, she probably would have preferred that arrangement.
Ebola Mom, Part 51
Insider Advice
A parent of one of my students came in for a meeting…
Parent: “Some of the kids have been calling my son a ‘whiny little bitch’ at recess, and it’s really hurting his feelings. What should he do?”
Me: “Oh my goodness! I had no idea this was happening. Well, I think he needs to start by standing up for himself and telling these kids that he will not tolerate their name-calling.”
He might also want to consider not being such a whiny little bitch.
Good Try, Steph
Creativity. Emotions. Enthusiasm.
Never her strong suit.
Love At First Sight
Ebola Mom, Part 50
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
I was going to bring a handwritten thank you note next week, but now you can go fuck yourself.
Also, I gave the cookies to a homeless man.
Ebola Mom, Part 49
Exactly.
In reference to my post Hello? , a friend texted me the following:
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