(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
Tag Archives: teaching
Kids These Days
I hand my tutoring kid a small Halloween treat…
Kid: “Oh, thank you so much! But my mother does not allow me to have candy. Should I return it to you so that another child can enjoy it, or would you like me to donate it to the nearest shelter?”
I find this 20 times more disturbing than if she had snatched it out of my hand and shoved it down her pie-hole without a thank you.
The P-Word
Kid: “Who are you voting for?”
Me: “Oh, um. You know what, I’m not entirely sure I should say. I’m not sure what your parents’ views are, and I don’t know if they’d want me to share mine with you.”
Kid: “Oh, my parents HATE Donald Trump.”
Me: (laughing)
Kid: “Yeah. And since those tapes of him came out on the news, now we can’t even say the p-word in my house anymore! He ruined the p-word!”
Me: “Oh! Um, I’m sorry– WHAT?”
Kid: “Yeah even my grandpa can’t say the p-word anymore! And that’s all he ever talks about!”
Me: “Woah woah woah. What do you mean that’s all he ever talks about?”
Kid: “Yeah he always comes over and wants to talk about it and they’re like ‘you can’t say the p-word in this house!'”
Me: <silent, horrified stare>
Kid: “But if I whisper the p-word you won’t tell my parents, right?”
Me: “You know, I don’t think that’s the best ide–”
Kid (whispering): “Politics.”
But you can see why I panicked.
“No, no, no. Good ALWAYS beats evil. EVERY TIME! Don’t you ever read comic books?”
— Kid, age 7, on how he knows Trump will lose the election.
Dammit.
Chatting with parent before tutoring session…
Parent (referring to my switch from classroom teaching to full-time tutoring): “So you must love that you get to be your own boss now, right?”
Me: “Oh, absolutely. That’s one of the best things about my new career!”
(Later, alone with the kid)
Me: “You look a little distracted. Everything ok?”
Kid: “Yeah, I was just thinking– you said to Mom that you love being your own boss, but my mom pays you, so isn’t SHE your boss?”
Me: “Well, sort of, but technically…”
Kid: “And also, she could fire you, like how a boss does.”
Me: “Well yeah but…”
Kid: “And really, you work with a lot of kids, so each kid’s parent is your boss. So instead of having one boss you now have like a MILLION bosses.”
Me: “Ok, let’s get back to the math problem.”
Kid: “Why? Because I’m right?”
Me: “Yes.”
“You’re pretty funny for a girl.”
— Kid, age 9, to me.
Brainstorm
Teaching a writing lesson…
Me: “Ok, so we’re going to start with something called a ‘brainstorm.’ Have you heard that word before?”
Kid: “Yes! A brainstorm is when you have like a storm in your brain. Like when all your thoughts are bad and they just keep crashing around in your brain and it’s hard to stop them, even when you try to think of good things.”
No.
But you are my spirit animal.
Things I Can Do Now
Sometimes I get anxious about my new career path– because change, no matter how good and how healthy, is always difficult for me (and, like, everyone on Earth. I know I’m not unique in this. I do think I am slightly more panicked/anxious/dramatic/unable-to-calm-the-fuck-down-y than the average human during a transition, but I recognize that general feelings of discomfort are pretty universal. So if anyone else is out there going through a time of change, feel free to hit me up for some commiseration. Or just try the exercise below. I found it extremely therapeutic, and I think it would make both my therapist and Oprah proud.)
Here’s a nifty list of things I can do now that I am no longer a classroom teacher, just as a reminder that I made the right choice for myself.
- Pee
- Pee in a bathroom that is a bathroom, not a closet or former jail cell
- Breathe without inhaling germs
- Breathe (in general)
- Go to the doctor
- Not go to the doctor, because I’m not sick anymore
- Have air conditioning when it’s hot
- Have heat when it’s cold
- Overall do my work in temperatures humans were meant to exist in
- Read the news
- Curse
- Curse while reading the news
- Not eat a packed lunch
- Not make a packed lunch
- Not make 5 packed lunches at once on Sunday night because the process of packing a lunch is so depressing, I have to do it all in one shot
- Cry. In the moment I feel like crying, without having to find the nearest janitors closet.
- Raise my voice without fear of abuse charges
- Make an important phone call without fear of being caught
- Answer an important phone call without fear of being caught
- Read/write an important text/email without fear of being caught
- Eat a snack without fear of being caught
- Drink a hot beverage without fear of being caught
- Not fear being caught for doing things all humans need to do to be human
- Wake up no earlier than 7:00am, as God intended
- Teach the way I want to teach, teach everything I planned to teach, and use my actual personality while teaching, because behavior management is no longer the priority
- Be honest, not politically correct, with parents.
- Truly know and care about every single child I work with (some classroom teachers are able to do this– I found it impossible)
- Be appropriately compensated for the work I do and the effort I put forth
- Feel effective
- Feel appreciated
- Pee (it’s worth repeating)
Here’s What I Took Away From That Story
Kid: “Did you get a wedding dress yet?”
Me: “No, not yet. So many choices! It’s hard to decide on one.”
Kid: “You should do what my mom did. She had four different dresses. She had one for the pictures before the wedding, then she walked down the aisle in another one, like a big princess dress, and then she did the party in a different, shorter dress so she could dance and then she had an even SHORTER one for the party AFTER the wedding. She got them all at Vera Wang.”
Yeah your family needs to pay me more.
Within Reason
Tutoring a 9 year old boy….
Kid: “My dad says when I grow up I have to be a doctor or a lawyer or someone who makes lots of money. But my teacher says I can be whatever I want to be! Right?”
Me (frustrated by this kind of parenting): “Of course you can be whatever you want to be! You have to figure out what makes YOU happy. Nobody can tell you what you can and can’t do with your life!”
Kid: “Ok good. Because I want to be a dog walker.”
Oh ok no. You can’t do that.
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