Tag Archives: teaching

This Isn’t a Snowstorm, de Blasio. It’s a Death Threat.

Kids/Teaching, Teaching, Uncategorized, , , ,

Today potential terrorist threats were made to both the LA and NYC public school systems. L.A. chose to close schools. NYC stayed open.

“We’ve come to the conclusion that we must continue to keep our school system open. (It is) very important not to overreact to situations like this” said Mayor Bill de Blasio the guy who happened to be right in this 50/50 coin toss.

Glad my students and I could be the guinea pigs.

And where were YOU today, de Blasio? What’s that? Nowhere near a public school building?

Yeah. I figured.

I’m moving to L.A.

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Relevant 

Kids, Kids/Teaching, Teaching,

Me (after a thorough explanation of exactly what “author’s purpose” means): “So a good way to think about the author’s purpose is to remember the acronym PIE– persuade, inform, or entertain. Today you will read your own books and try to decide what the author’s purpose is. Is it to persuade? Inform? Or entertain? Maybe a little of all three. Record your thoughts in the table, with evidence from the text.”

Kids: <blank stares>

Me: “I’m going to take your silence to mean you understand. Now, are there any relevant questions?”

Kid who has never once asked a relevant question raises hand.

Me: “A RELEVANT question.”

Hand still raised.

Me: “What is your question?”

Kid: “I’ve never tasted pie before.”

Honesty

Kids/Teaching, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , ,

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Me (to student): “Did you do your homework on a calculator?”
Kid: “No!!!”
Me: “Well, I find it hard to believe that you randomly came up with that super long number as your answer. Which would technically be the correct answer to 40 divided by 3, had you used a decimal point after the first 3. But that would be strange, since we never taught you decimal points. Only remainders.”
Kid: (Blank stare)
Me: “Also, I see NO work.”
Kid: (Blanker stare)
Me: “So again, I will ask you– did you use a calculator?”
Kid (wide-eyed): “NO. I did NOT.”
Me: “Unfortunately I don’t believe you.”
Kid: “I swear! I used an iPhone!!!!!”

 

 

Thank You For Letting Us Know

Kids/Teaching, Teaching, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , ,

That moment when the parent of a student sends you and your co-teacher a rude, confrontational note in an envelope, but she accidentally also encloses the results of her gynecological exam.

She has Menorrhagia.

It’s characterized by a heavy menstrual flow.

Yeah. I googled it.

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Teaching Advice

Being Awkward/Dumb Stuff I Do, Kids/Teaching, Teaching, Uncategorized, , , , , ,

Do NOT try to reprimand your misbehaving class while there is (unbeknownst to you) a huge chunk of chocolate stuck to your front tooth.

They will not take you seriously. Neither will your co-teacher.

No, really– your co-teacher and 27 nine-year-olds will laugh at you for 10 solid minutes, and you will lose all credibility.

But then, luckily, you’ll remember that you never truly had credibility.

And that will make you feel better.

Until 10 seconds later, when you realize how sad that is.

Just swallow your chocolate, ok?

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Yeah…He Probably Did

Kids, Kids/Teaching, , , , , , , ,

Me: “When Columbus landed in what is now America, and he wanted to tell people back home what he found, what do you think he did?”

Kid: (Silence)

Me: “Well…Do you think he whipped out his iPhone and said ‘Siri– call home!’?”

Kid: (giggling) “Noooo!!!”

Me: “Well then what did he do?”

Kid (long, contemplative pause): “He probably used his flip phone.”