Referring to a classroom activity…
Ok, so. NOT something boys grow out of.
Tag Archives: kids
Transpondster
“Trump said ‘bigly.’ That doesn’t even make sense. How can he be president if he doesn’t make sense?” — 4th grader
Kid, I ask myself that every damn day.
Ok. I get it.
Kid (pointing to the messy bun piled on top of my head): “My mom wears her hair like that when she does laundry.”
Me: “Oh, perfect.”
Kid: “Or, like, if she’s staying in the house all day.”
Me: “Uh huh…”
Kid: “Really if she’s doing anything where other people won’t see her.”
Today, Junior
During a whole-group lesson about personification, writing a poem with the kids.
Us: “How can we personify the sound leaves make in the breeze?”
Kid (raises hand): <makes loud breathing noise>
Us: “Ok, but how might we say that in words?”
Kid: <makes breathing sound again>
Us: “Ok, but we are writing a poem, so we need WORDS.”
Kid: “Ok, hold on.”
Us: “WORDS.”
(Long Pause. Entire class waits.)
Kid: <makes breathing noise again>
May
Last Time I Help That Kid
Today the kids are practicing using similes in poetry.
Kid (writing a poem about fish): “Scaly like…hmmmm….Miss Emily, can you please help me?”
Me: “How about ‘scaly like an old lady’s hands’…”
Kid (looks at my hands): “But your hands aren’t scaly.”
Me: “I’m not an old lady!”
Kid: “Oh.”
Get the fuck out of my classroom.
Teacher Appreciation Week
Now that we’ve confirmed that Chipotle is ACTUALLY tainted with E Coli from feces, the free burrito offering to teachers during Teacher Appreciation Week makes complete sense.
“Thanks, teachers! Here’s a free hot steaming pile of shit– in a wrap! You deserve it!”
(I’ll still eat mine)
Boys Are Gross
My 4th grade student told me about her slightly older brother having a sleepover with his friends at their apartment.
Kid: “So I knew he was having a sleepover with all boys so OBVIOUSLY I made plans to sleep at my friend’s house.”
Me: “Oh, yeah. Wise move.”
Kid: “But then my friend got sick and I couldn’t go! So I had to be there with all the boys. AND IT WAS CHAOS.”
Me: “Oh, I can imagine! Boys can be wild.”
Kid: “Yeah but you don’t even understand. Before they went to bed…they did the grossest thing…”
Me: “I’m scared….”
Kid: “They ALL TOOK OFF THEIR SHIRTS.”
Me (relieved but feigning drama): “What?! NO! Their SHIRTS?!”
Kid: “I know. It. Was. DISGUSTING! Boys are soooo gross!!!”
Oh, girlfriend. Just you wait.
Ebola Mom, Part 52
(Continuation of Ebola Mom Part 45, and part of the Ebola Mom series)
Is this bitch serious?!
But yeah I’m available.
What. IS. That.
“I love you, and I’m sorry it has to be this way, but you are no longer invited to family vacation in the Outer Banks this summer. I’m sure you understand.”
— Me, to my 1 and a half year old nephew, as I witnessed his first tantrum.
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