When/if I am pregnant one day, no one will be able to tell, because my daily life-long M.O. is already to be tired, nauseated, moody, and dressed in a shapeless sack.
And that’s been my plan all along.
Ebola Mom, Part 75
Quit While You’re Ahead
Me, to Eric, after a friend commented that my loose “sack” dresses (the only thing I wear in summer) make me look like a grandma: “Does it bother you that I dress comfortably and not sexy?”
Eric: “Babe, are you kidding? Of course not. Wear whatever you want.”
Me: “Awww, that’s sweet. You’re the best.”
Eric: “Yeah. You think I even notice what you wear? I’ve never noticed once.”
Nope stop talking.
She’s Lucky She Has a Teacher in the Family Who Knows Things
My nephew just started school.
My Job is a Real Job
An acquaintance who lives in my building stops me in the lobby.
Woman: “Oh! Emily! You’re a tutor, right?”
Me: “Yes, I am!”
Woman: “So you walk dogs?”
How All Important Decisions Are Made
Having one of those mornings where I’m feeling antsy, restless, and a little lost. So like any highly educated, emotionally intelligent individual, I turned to my decision-making paperweight spinner for answers.
Me: “So like, in life in general, Spinning Paperweight….what next?”
Ok, so. Babies.
Ebola Mom, Part 74
I Guess the Dancer Has a Side Job
Me: “Hey, what’s that dancer from Dancing with the Stars doing on the football channel!?”
Eric: “That’s Von Miller.”
This is Why I Can’t Leave Town
Me: “You’re officially not allowed to buy things without asking me.”
Eric: “You were away! You left me for a whole week!”
Must Be Nice
Eric (as I come to sit down on the couch with him): “Don’t you want to change into your more comfortable ‘couch clothes?'”
Me: “Why? What are you saying? You don’t like my dress?”
Eric: “Stop trying to guess what I’m thinking when I say things. You’re giving my brain way too much credit. Inside my head is just a bunch of corgis jumping.”
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