Eric surprised me with a 4th of July themed breakfast in bed (dairy-free acai bowl with grain-free granola, chia seeds, almonds and strawberries. #paleolife), while I slept for 13 hours straight and woke up feeling too lazy and unmotivated to pour myself a coffee. Thank you for this freedom, forefathers!
Me: “But…where’s the blue?”
Eric: “Blueberries were six bucks. You don’t get any. Eat your breakfast.”
Happy 4th, everyone!
“No. It’s too hot.”
— Eric, when, during a particularly emotional moment in my friend’s wedding ceremony, I went to hold his hand.
When I walked in the door from my run…
Eric: “Look at you! You look so pretty and skinny and gorgeous!’
Me: “Aww, what an unexpectedly nice greeting!”
Eric: “My blood sugar’s low.”
Just ran into a school parent while running in the park.
Parent: “So I heard a rumor you left the school? And classroom teaching completely?”
Me: “Yeah, the rumor is true.”
Parent: “Good for you! I knew you were done. Every time I saw you this year, I could just see it on your face.”
No I’m pretty sure that’s just my face.
I had an issue with my computer so I called tech support.
Tech Support (after asking a series of basic questions): “And do you use your iCloud?”
Me: “I think so?”
Tech Support: “You’re not sure?”
Me: “Well…it’s just. What is the cloud? Like, really?”
Tech Support: “Ok I’m going to transfer you to a another department. You have an entirely different problem than the one you reported.”
Me: “Is it that I’m an idiot? Is that the entirely different problem?”
(long pause)
Teach Support: “No comment, ma’am. Please hold.”
That moment when a parent who gave you hell for 4 years of your teaching career somehow tracks down your phone number and calls you to say that she is sorry for everything she put you through, and she acknowledges the role she played in her children’s in-school difficulties, and she says that she heard that you are leaving the teaching profession so she didn’t want you to depart without knowing that truly, deeply, she really does appreciate everything you did for her and her two sons over the years, thus providing you with the perfect feeling of satisfied closure as you end your classroom career.
That didn’t actually happen.
I’m just saying. It’d be nice.
Instead I just walked by said parent getting drunk and smoking cigs at a neighborhood bar.
Wonder where the kids are.
Therapist: “And why do you think you had that thought in response to that event?”
Me: “I don’t think there’s a reason, I think it’s just what popped into my head. For no reason at all. Can’t I just have a thought and there be no reason for it?”
Therapist: “If I believed that, I’d be out of a job.”
Me: “Touché. And I guess to be able to justify the cost of this session, I should think of a reason.”
Therapist: “Sure, if that motivates you.”
Me: “I think maybe my thought in response to this event signifies that deep down, I am just a frightened, lost, ignorant soul simply stumbling through the dark, terrifying abyss that is life.”
(long pause)
Therapist: “Alright rein it in.”
I am in day 2 of my retirement and I feel the need to address some questions/comments/concerns that have come my way regarding my decision to leave classroom teaching. This is not a rant– you’ve all been awesomely enthusiastic about it. Just want to clear up some confusion.
1. To be clear, I only left classroom teaching. I am not retired and lying around doing nothing. I’m not sure why this is so confusing for people. Maybe it’s because I keep calling it “my retirement.” 
2. I did not quit my job because I met a man to take care of me, and now I don’t have to work. That is absurd. This is real life, not Real Housewives of Potomac. 
I am still working. But yes, Eric did give me the support, encouragement, stability and gentle kick in the ass I needed to finally leave something that was making me unhappy (and had been for years) and move on to pursue things that bring me joy and contentment. And for that I am eternally grateful.
3. “But I thought you love the people you work with?” I do. With all my heart. They are now some of my best friends on earth, and will remain so. The people I met in my 7 years at that school are the only reason I stayed as long as I did, and I never could have made it through without them. They are my family. My actual job, and all the political/administrative limitations placed on it, is what left me unfulfilled. Not the people. My co workers are, and always will be, the brightest spot in my memory of classroom teaching.
4. “So what are those things you’re going to pursue?” As of now– full time tutoring (which focuses on all the aspects I love about teaching without the systemic BS that prevents me from actually helping children), getting more involved in mental health causes, working on my blog, pursuing freelance writing opportunities, and, honestly, whatever else I think of that sounds exciting!
5. Which leads to the final question/concern: “But if you don’t have crazy stories about classroom teaching, or crazy stories about dating, what are you going to write about?”
Yeah, well, I don’t know, people. I’m just hoping it turns out better for me than it did for this guy.
After reading First Day of Retirement is Going Well …..
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