All posts by Emily
What is Love
Love is when you can comfortably express to him, in precise and vivid detail, exactly what this stomach bug is doing to your digestive tract.
Thanksgiving Traditions
For me, Thanksgiving is all about handing your dad a tax document you don’t understand and begging him to please just take care of it for you.
Holiday Entertainment
It’s funny how when you spend an extended amount of time with family in close quarters over the holidays, everyone starts to get really snippy with one another. Like how my mom just gave me the most disgusted, horrified look in response to the most benign comment.
I only suggested we put the baby in the dryer for ONE cycle.
Kid: “Did you run the marathon just so you could eat all the turkey at Thanksgiving?”
Me: “That’s ridiculous.”
WHO TOLD HIM?!?!?!
Sassy Pedicurist: M.I.A.
(Part of the Sassy Pedicurist series)
Many people have been asking me what has happened to Sassy Pedicurist, as we haven’t heard from her in a while.
I’m not quite sure. I have had my nails done many times in the past several months, and she has not been at the salon. She used to be there almost every single time, and now she has virtually disappeared. It’s as though she sensed that I found a man, and now her work here is done.
I’m starting to question if she ever even existed.
Ebola Mom, Part 45
Yes
Here are some conversations my marathon medal elicited from the children at school today:
Kid: “What’s that for?”
Me: “I ran a marathon!”
Kid: “Did you win?”
Me: “Yes.”
Kid: “Really?!”
Me: “Yes.”
——-
Kid: “Did you win the Nobel Prize!?”
Me: “Yes.”
——-
Kid: “Is that a necklace?”
Me: “Yes.”
——–
Kid: “Did you know you have a bell stuck to your neck?”
Me: “Yes.”
———
Kid: “Did you know your necklace has a crack on the bell part?”
Me: “Yes.”
———
Every single other kid in the school besides the 5 above: < Stare at medal. Stare at my face. Say nothing. Go about their day. >
———
Coworker: “Did any kids even congratulate you today?”
Me: “No.”
———
Conclusion: In general, kids, unlike adults, don’t give a fuck don’t know how to PRETEND to give a fuck that you ran a marathon.
Philosophical Question
If you run a full marathon (and I did– I have finish-line witnesses), but your time chip stops working after the 13.1 mile mark, did you really run a full marathon?
The answer is yes. You ran a full marathon in 2:09.
#besttimeever
What My Blog Is About
When people find out I have a blog, the first thing they usually say is “Oh! What’s it about?”
So in the interest of not having to repeat myself, I am going to answer this question publicly, once and for all:
I don’t really know.
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