“There’s an impending snowstorm” is one of my favorite excuses to hibernate all weekend and do nothing but sleep and eat.
Right up there with “I’m a teacher,” “I’m in my 30’s” and “This is just who I am.”
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The Plan
Therapist: “You’ve been saying for a while now that you might want a career change. It seems you haven’t felt very fulfilled at your current job.”
Me: “Right.”
Therapist: “And you said you were going to take some time, explore some options, talk to a few people, do some research, and come up with a plan.”
Me: “Right.”
Therapist: “So, you did that?”
Me: “Yes I did!”
Therapist: “And you have a plan?”
Me: “Yes, in fact I do!
Therapist: “I mean besides ‘get pregnant and quit.'”
Me: “Oh. Then no.”
When Eric Makes the Bed, Part 5
Ebola Mom, Part 47
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
As I enter my tutoring session, I recieve this text…
Ok, yeah. I tried REAL HARD not to let my explanation of math get in the way of their epically loud hammering and drilling.
What. Goes. ON?!?!
“Ma! Ma!!! I never know what she’s DOING back there…” Part 2
Blame Game
If Sarah Palin is going to blame her son’s PTSD on Obama, then I’m going to blame my anxiety disorder on Sarah Palin.
Does your world salad come with a side of Ranch? Give me SOMETHING, lady. I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE THINGS YOU ARE SAYING.
NOTHING. MAKES. SENSE.
You owe me a lifetime supply of Xanax.
“Ma! Ma!!! I never know what she’s DOING back there…”
This might be a new low.
Thanks For Your Help
It’s particularly hard to find the Starbucks iced Via packets during the winter season (I like to chug them for an energy boost before my morning runs….don’t ask), so I went out of my way to venture into a different Starbucks today, hopeful that they might have some.
Me: “Hi! Do you guys have any iced Via packets in stock?”
Barista: “Ugh, no I’m sorry. We’re all out.”
Me: “Ok. Figured I’d try! The iced Via packs are very hard to find in the winter!”
Barista: “Oh oh oh WAIT– you want the ICED ones?!”
Me (excited): “Yes!!!”
Barista: “I didn’t realize you said iced.”
Me: “Oh, sorry, maybe I forgot to say it– yes, iced!”
Barista: “Yeah we definitely don’t have those.”
Colonial Times
The kids are writing historical fiction stories as part of our Colonial America unit.
Kid: “I named my character John McFly!”
Me: “Hmmm. Do you think John McFly is a good name for a character who lived in Colonial America? Does that make sense for that time period?”
Kid: “Well…not COLONIAL America, but in 1984.”
(Long silence)
Kid: “So…right after.”
You’re Definitely NOT Sorry
My mom just got to the Dominican Republic and sent the following:
I was happy for her, but jealous….
Mom wasted no time replying…
ZERO. FUCKS. GIVEN.
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